


Stockholm Syndrome

by Incultus



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Broken Bones, Car Accidents, Caretaking, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-09 19:58:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4362209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incultus/pseuds/Incultus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skwisgaar is a high school drop out who lives in Stockholm. He meets a disoriented Norweigan, Toki Wartooth on a cold winter night. And his life changes after an accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Incipient

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! That's my first story and English is not my main language so i hope you can excuse my mistakes. Thanks for reading!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to super_queer for proofreading my writing!

"Here is your money. Thanks for the ride, kid."

 

"Good evening, sir!"

 

Skwisgaar Skwigelf was a twenty-year-old, elf-like Swede. He didn't have a father. And his mother was a bitch, by definition. He lived with her in Stockholm.

 

Skwisgaar liked both men and women, but no one knew that, it was his little secret. He had been with almost every girl in his town. And considering his age, he had a lot of children. But all of them were going to share the same fate as him: growing up fatherless.

 

Skwisgaar had dropped out of high school when he was senior. And for two years he had been working as a cab driver. Someone had to bring money home, and that person was definitely not his mom. All she was doing was getting drunk and coming home after midnight with strange men every night.

 

Skwisgaar was so good at playing guitar that he had a huge reputation in his hometown.

 

Skwisgaar had a band. But after he had left school he had to leave the band, too. He didn’t have any time to play with the band at small clubs anymore. All he could do was practice by himself.

 

He never had a long-term relationship. And he wasn’t looking for one either. He didn’t have any plans for future. Being a famous guitarist maybe...

* * *

 

 

 It was a cold and snowy December night when he was on the road driving home. He had left the cab back at the taxi station and  was now driving his own car, an old black mustang. It was pretty damaged but he loved it as much as his Gibson Explorer.

 

"Shit..." he muttered to himself. It was snowing so hard that he couldn't see the road. It was getting late and he was getting sleepy. He narrowed his eyes as he saw a dark figure at the edge of the road. A boy with a raised thumb, a hitch hiker, he realized.

 

"Today ams not your lucky day, my friend." he said to himself as he passed by him. But as he looked at the rearview mirror he saw the kid shiver uncontrollably and then fall into a heap.

 

Okay. Skwisgaar was not that cruel. He slowed the car down, and put it in reverse. The boy got up when Skwisgaar reached him. He opened the car door and sat in the passenger seat. Skwisgaar stepped on the accelerator.

 

The kid was still shivering. He had long brown hair and a weird fu-manchu mustache.

 

"Tack så mycket." the boy thanked him while he was rubbing his hands together to warm them up.

 

"Hallå, vart ska du?" Skwisgaar asked.

 

"Umm. Sorry I don'ts have that much Swedish."

 

"Ok then. Where are you goings?"

 

"Stockholm, I guess..."

 

"You guess?"

 

"Uh, actually I has nowhere to goes. You know... just an unsuccessful escapings attempt… from my parents. The time for me to live without commands or whips has come, man."

 

"Oh, fucks. What kind of life was you living in...sorry I don'ts know your name."

 

"Toki. And you?"

 

"Skwisgaar."

 

"Skwis...what kinds of name is that? Your moms must be really high when she was giving you that name."

 

"Hey, I ams the one who is driving the car, so shut it. It ams not your business.” After a moment he added "Sorry I get bad-tempered when I am sleepy." Actually Toki was right. She was high all the time.

 

As the time passed by he learned that Toki was living in a town called Lillehammer in Norway. He had just graduated from high school and he was looking for a job. He needed money to make his dreams come true. His goal had never changed. He was going to escape from his parents.

 

Toki's parents were -well, they were weird, as far as he told. They were addicted to religion and they were really strict about it.

 

Toki was their only son, although they were treating him like he wasn’t. His parents were so cruel that they were forced him to do all the things they needed done. And when he didn't, they would punish him, in a really bad way. Skwisgaar didn't ask for details.

 

After he finished speaking there was a long silence. He started to feel sorry for Toki.

 

"Sooo, where are you goings to stay? If you don'ts have anywhere to go you can stay at my home for a while."

 

"Thanks you but I can afford a hotel room for a couple of weeks. Then I will have to start making money."

 

"Oh what a coincidence. I needs money, too, but I already have a job. Being a cab driver doesn’t earn you a lot. I could have been a student at university if i didn’t have to works for money."

 

"Oh that's sad dude. What about yours parents?"

 

"I don'ts have a dad." He took a sip of his coffee.

 

"And your moms?"

 

"I prefer nots to talk about it."

 

The rest of the drive passed in silence, and the road got foggier. After thirty minutes his eyelids started to get heavier.

 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Toki reaching for the steering wheel. Before he react, Toki screamed.

 

"SKWISGAAR! LOOK OUT!"

 

It all happened so fast.

 

Skwisgaar snapped out of his daze but they were going too fast and the icy road made it impossible to change route. He looked at Toki anxiously. He had his seatbelt on and was shielding himself with his arms as Skwisgaar sat there motionless.

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and prepared himself for the crash as the giant tree they were driving toward got closer.

 

The last thing he heard was Toki's pained scream.

 


	2. Broken

Skwisgaar woke up with an agonizing headache. He tried to move but regretted it immediately. He whined helplessly as he realized that his legs were not in good shape.

 

He scanned the area he was in; it turned out to be a hospital room. There was only one bed and he was the one who resided on the white sheets.

 

No. This wasn't good. He was suffering. The pain was too much. He attempted to lift the sheet off his legs, and then really wished he didn't... They both were casted.   _How the fuck am I going to walk_ he thought and laid on his back again with his hands covering his eyes.

 

"Skwisgaar?"

 

He looked for the source of the voice between his fingers. That was the kid he was in the car with, he recalled. What was his name? Tony? Tommy? Toki? Yeah that was it.

 

"Take your hands off your face. Look at me, I have scars ons my face, too. My arm hurts like hells."

 

"I amn'ts hiding my face! I was just...wait what do you mean scars?!" He touched his cheeks immediately to check and he felt the deep cuts on his right cheekbone and his forehead. Let alone his bandaged head… "Oh fuck! Not my face!"

 

"Uh... I think it ams in better condition than your legs."

 

"Toki please... stop. I don'ts want to hear this."

 

Toki sat on the armchair next to bed.

 

"But I thinks you should. I've just talked to doctor." And he looked at Skwisgaar teasingly.

 

"Okay, you wons. Tell me what happened. But first give me a glass of water. My throat hurts. And I'ms fuckin' cold."

 

"I think it's because of the anesthesia. You wills be fine soon." He said as he filled the glass on the bed stand with water. He gave it to Skwisgaar.

 

"Anesthesia? Did I have a medickals operations?"

 

"Dude, your legs were looking like anything but legs."

 

"As if that’s any different now..." He looked at his legs desperately.

 

Skwisgaar took a sip of water. Then turned and looked at Toki with a confused look on his face. "How comes nothings happened to you?"

 

Toki cleared his throat and raised his bandaged arm.

 

"Beside your arm..." Skwisgaar rolled his eyes.

 

"I had my seatbelt on. I thinks that’s why. And your parts of the car hit the tree more. Then the front of the car completelys vanished. And your legs squeezed between the car and the tree. And you hit your head really hard. But I was covering myself in a fetus position so nothing happened to me. Just a sharp piece of glass cut my arm and I hit my head somewhere but that’s all."

 

"Lucky bastard. You talk like you are experienced."

 

"Nope, just the insticts. And I had learned to protect myselfs in any situation in my childhood, thanks to my parents..."

 

"Well... unlike you, nothings could have prepared me for this... What abouts the doctor?"

 

"Oh, forgot that sorry. He said you will have to get physical therapy for a couple of months-"

 

"Months?!"

 

"-and that requires a lots of money."

 

"What the fucks am I going to do with my life after this! I ams broken, I have no money."

 

"Your mother cans take care of yous, I guess."

 

"Fucks her! She can'ts even take care of herselves." After a moment he attempted to get up, but Toki stopped him. "Gets me out of here. Please."

 

"You shoulds wait for the doctor's check."

 

"Then get him here."

 

* * *

 

 

After a few minutes a doctor came and examined him. He gave some instructions about how to take care of himself and Skwisgaar nodded in a trance. The doctor said he could be discharged from the hospital if he felt fine. He said yes but his head still ached quite a lot.

 

"We thought you would lose your memory because that trauma to your skull was pretty bad, but I see that you are fine now." When Skwisgaar nodded he smiled and left the room.

 

When Skwisgaar tried to get up and realized he couldn't walk by himself, Toki looked at him with sympathy. He helped Skwisgaar to move his legs.

 

"Ahhh... give me a minute I's gonna get you your wheelchair."

 

Skwisgaar sat on the bed with his legs hanging on the edge. He hadn't thought about a wheelchair before. Of course he was going to be wheelchair-bound.

 

Toki came back with a wheelchair after a minute. And he placed it next to Skwisgaar.

 

"Tokis... how ams I going to sit on it?"

 

"Uhh. Do you minds if I...?"

 

"I thinks we have no other choice."

 

"I can call a staff member if you want."

 

"No. It ams fine. I don't wanna see any of them's stupid faces again."

 

Toki came close and carried Skwisgaar bridal style to the wheelchair. Skwisgaar groaned during the shift and it hurt when Toki placed him on the chair.

 

"Sorries, pal. It's the best I can do."

 

* * *

 

 

Toki pushed the wheelchair along the corridors. Other patients they passed by looked at Skwisgaar with pity. And all he could do was hide his face behind his golden hair.

 

"Can we goes a bit faster, pfft. My hair looks so bad and everyone's seeings me like that."

 

"Yous a lady Skwisgaar."

 

"NO I'MS NOT!"

 

"Stops shouting! People are looking."

 

"I don'ts care." He rested his chin on his palm and lowered his head.

 

"Well, I ams not the one whose hair looks bad." And he grinned.

 

Skwisgaar turned his head to Toki and said "Hey!" with an offensive look on his face as he tried to fix his hair with his fingers.

 

As they reached the exit door Skwisgaar vehemently asked, "What happened to my car?" and they went out through the door. The cold weather of Sweden made them shiver. He needed to wear his own clothes as soon as he went to home. The clothes they gave him after the surgery were doing him no good in this weather.

 

"Umm, he-"

 

"She!"

 

"She is in heavens now."

 

"Ok thanks I heard enough." He looked at the snowy road ahead them desperately. "So whats now?"

 

"Let’s get yous to your home." But he looked confused, too.

 

"I haves an idea. I will calls my workplace –I mean cabstand" he added as Toki looked at him questionably. "And they can send us a cab, maybe. I am their employee, I deserve some privilege."

 

"I guess I will develop muscles by the end of the day. Not that I don'ts have any. " Toki said proudly.

 

"Why the fuck-?"

 

"I will have to carry you a lot more times. To cab…To house…To bed…" he said grinning.

 

"Shuts up Toki! It ams not funny."


	3. Welcome Home

It was hard to get Skwisgaar into the cab, however after a few unsuccessful attempts he finally got in.

  
The driver was Skwisgaar’s friend Nathan from work. His family had moved from America to Sweden ten years ago, but speaking Swedish was still a struggle to him. 

  
He was a big guy, and he looked older than he really was. Someone who didn’t know Nathan could easily think that he was pushing thirty, but he was only twenty-two.

  
They were good friends. They both had the same taste in music, so they always had something to talk about. Like new albums, underrated bands or how good listening to metal made them feel. So at first when he saw Skwisgaar in his current condition, he was a bit shocked. He put the wheelchair into the trunk and sat in the driver’s seat. Toki sat in the passenger seat. 

  
Nathan turned his head and spoke with his harsh voice. “Skwisgaar, what the hell happened?”

  
“It ams nothings importkants, Nathans.”

  
Nathan looked at him in disbelief. He was about to curse at Skwisgaar when Toki took part in the conversation. “We hads a car accidents. His legs gots damaged really badly and he had a surgery but doctors say he can walk next year.”

  
Skwisgaar’s jaw dropped, “Toki you didn’t tells me that before!”

  
“I didn’t wants to demoralize you…” The other man said guiltily.

  
“Yeah, thanks you, because I am now!”

  
Nathan looked at them both with a puzzled look. Then he managed to speak. “Okay! Skwisgaar, calm down. I am so sorry for you dude, I wish I could do something for you. By the way I think this is fucking brutal! Don’t be sad.” Skwisgaar pulled a face and remained silent. Then Nathan added, scanning Toki, “…and, who the fuck are you?”

  
“I ams Toki Wartooth. I met Skwisgaar on the road. I was hitchhiking from Norway and he let me in his car. And you know the rest...the accident happened. Someone saw our car and called the ambulance and we were taken to the hospital.”

  
“But you look like you’re in good shape…?” Nathan was confused. 

  
“Because I ams.” 

  
“Dude, that is fucking impossible if you two were in the same car.”

  
Toki talked with a straight face, “I haves no idea also, I think I was really lucky. I’m glads I have short legs.”

  
Nathan added, “Unlike Skwisgaar. Look at him. So pathetic. He can’t drive a car like that. He will have to quit his job. I mean I like the guy but I wouldn’t get in a car that he was driving even if they gave me-” 

  
“CAN YOU DRIVES THE FUCKING CAR? And I am not deaf! I am just broken legged!” Skwisgaar yelled from behind.

  
“And scar faced.” Toki said lowering his voice.

  
“Brutal.” Nathan whispered as he stepped on the gas pedal.

 

Skwisgaar settled back into his seat and fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

They stopped in front of the Skwigelf’s residence and Toki stared at the house with interest. It was a white two-story house but it wasn’t very big and it looked pretty old. He got out of the car and pulled the wheelchair out.

  
Meanwhile in the car, Nathan turned to face Skwisgaar and started speaking with a low voice. “Hey, Skwisgaar. I liked that Toki guy. While you slept through the whole way we talked a bit and he seems so nice.”

  
“Pfft! So?”

  
“I mean if you need us we both will be here for you. Seeing you like this will inspire me a lot, maybe I can even write a song about it.”

  
“Thanks Nathans, I ams glad I ams such an inspirations for you.” Skwisgaar said sarcastically.

  
Toki knocked the window and beckoned Skwisgaar. 

  
Skwisgaar opened the car door and snowflakes flew inside. He wondered why his mother didn’t call him. Actually, it was pretty normal for both of them to not to come home at night. But Serveta was his mother and Skwisgaar wished she would at least be concerned about him. He wondered how she would react when she saw her son in a cast sandwich.

 

Nathan helped Toki and they placed Skwisgaar on the wheelchair. Nathan sighed heavily. “I think I’m gonna leave you here. This is the end. Take care, Skwisgaar. And Toki, it’s been nice getting to know you dude.”

 

“Slut” said Skwisgaar after a brief silence. They both looked Skwisgaar awkwardly. He had said it out loud on accident with a straight face while looking into snowy ground.

 

Nathan got confused.”Wha- hey, you are the slut! Or your mo-“

 

“Shuts up Nathans! It means ‘end’ in Swedish.” Skwisgaar said and Toki started laughing. 

 

 Toki patted Nathan on the back. “Alright! See you, Nathans! It was goods to know you too. But I really needs to get this Swede inside before he freezes to death in his sexy patient scrub.” Toki said and started to push the wheelchair. Skwisgaar prepared himself to say something but Toki was damn right and he wouldn’t protest to get inside as soon as possible. As they reached the front door Nathan’s car’s engine started growling and then the sound disappeared in the distance.

 

They kept knocking on the door but no one answered it. After a couple long minutes of waiting they gave up.

 

 Toki looked down at Skwisgaar. “You haves a key?”

 

“Ja, it was in my back pocket.” And he reached for it. Then he remembered he wasn’t wearing his jeans. “Great! Now we’re locked out.” He started to curse in his native language.

 

“Hey don’t worry. I got your clothes at the hospital. It must be at my backpack.”

Indeed it was. Toki smiled at Skwisgaar’s ‘Hard Rock Cafe Stockholm’ keychain.

 

When Toki opened the door Skwisgaar yelled, still shivering. “Moms! I’ms home!”

 

No answer. She was with one of her dates, maybe…again.

 

As  Skwisgaar navigated the wheelchair through the kitchen to get some water, Toki studied the house. Some of the furniture was damaged, but it was still functional. On his left side, in the small kitchen, Skwisgaar was trying to reach something in the fridge. Toki walked through the opposite side and sat on the big couch in front of TV stand. Behind him the stairs wound up to the next level. The walls were covered with wooden paneling so it seemed like warm home environment. Skwisgaar was on his right now, still struggling with something.

 

Toki examined the fireplace on the left wall with interest. It was the most attention grabbing part of the home. Then he caught sight of a small piece of paper on the coffee table.

 

“Tokis! I needs some helps here.”

 

“Umm…Skwisgaar maybe you should come see this first.”

 

Skwisgaar came slowly when Toki got up, handing the paper to the man in the chair.

 

There wasn’t much written on it. Just a few words, but these words were heavy enough to push Skwisgaar down.

 

Skwisgaar,

 

I met the love of my life and I will live with him in Göteborg from now on. I didn’t tell you this because you wouldn’t have let me go. You are a grown boy and you can live without me. Take care, min lilla son…                             

 

 -Serveta


	4. Couch-Bound

Skwisgaar was sitting with his head buried in his hands, sitting in his wheelchair next to Toki. He had been in the same position for five minutes. When he heard Toki’s high-pitched voice from the couch he raised his head slowly. “I can'ts believe she just left me like that. I…I just can’t…” His voice trembled. He couldn’t find words to say. The small paper disappeared in his closed fist and his knuckles turned white with tension.

  
“Shh, it’s okay!” Toki said as he put his hand on Skwisgaar’s shoulder, trying to make him feel better.  
  


Skwisgaar had waited for this moment to come. He had always wanted to live alone and away from his mother, but this was not the right time. Actually, she couldn’t pick a worse day to leave. He lowered his head and hid his face again. His voice muffled behind his hair. “Tokis…I have no relatives in Stockholm. Actuallies, I don’t have any relatives. I don’t want to be a burden to you but I just can’t even get a goddamn glass of water by myself. I know it is fuckins weird to ask a man who I met hours ago to stay in my hou-”

  
“Stop it Skwisgaar. You don’t need to ask, I already said I'ms staying with you.”

 

Skwisgaar decided he should stay downstairs because it was impossible for him to ascend the stairs to his room. They prepared the couch like a bed with pillows and sheets. He was “couch-bound” from now on.

  
Toki asked Skwisgaar if he could tour the house. If he was going to live in this place for a couple of days- or weeks- he needed to know where things were.

  
It was colder upstairs. He zipped his hoodie up. When he looked through the window of the room he assumed was Skwisgaar’s, he saw the backyard and the endless forest beyond it. The sun was shining on the piles of snow. The view was beautiful.

  
The guitar he found in the corner of the room was beautiful too. He touched it delicately. It was a Gibson Explorer. 

  
Then he caught sight of the Flying V next to it. _I understand why Skwisgaar says he is out of money now_ , he thought. They must have been costed him  _a lot_. He looked at the little guitar army truly amazed. When he had asked for one from his dad in his childhood the answer hadn’t come with words, it had come with violence…and the whip marks on his back were the proof.

 

* * *

 

 

At first Skwisgaar couldn’t tell what woke him up; the pain of his legs or the metallic voice of a guitar. He opened one of his eyes and watched the moving fingers on the frets while he pretended to be asleep.

  
Toki stopped playing and smiled shyly when he realized Skwisgaar was watching him. The dim light of fireplace casted shadows on his face. “Oops! Did I wakes you?” He looked guilty.

  
“No, Tokis. Please keep playing.” The blonde man who was lying on his back folded his arms behind his head.

  
Toki played a couple more notes on the unplugged Flying V. He made some mistakes but they could be overlooked. “Sorries, I can’t play well when someone is watching me.” He said with an look of embarrassment.

  
“Ams you serious? You were pretty good Toki. How longs have you been playing?” Skwisgaar asked with a serious face.

  
“Umm… I brought the guitar downstairs to ask if I could play but you were asleep so-”

  
“No! I mean when did you first starts to play?” 

  
“Wowie it’s been a long time. Approximately ten years ago…” 

  
“Tokis. How olds are you?” Skwisgaar looked confused.

  
“I turned 18 last month.”

  
Skwisgaar looked at Toki with interest, he was younger than he assumed. Toki felt the need to break the silence so he kept talking.

  
“In my school’s music room there was a grandpa’s guitar- I mean acoustic. I tried to play some notes on that by myself, then I realized I could play a whole song if I practiced really hard. When I was twelve I asked my parents to buy me an electric guitar, because that lame guitars wasn’t enough for me; I wanted more. I wanted to play metal. But that was the greatest mistake of my life…They accused me of being a Satanist and punished me for weeks. It turned out metal music wasn’t their cup of tea…So I secretly started playing an electric guitar in one of my friend’s houses. He woulds let me use their garage any day of the week. Then we formed a band. But my father found it out after some months. It wasn’t the bestest moment of my lifes to be honest. ”

  
Skwisgaar looked at Toki with sympathy. He had never had a problem like that. His mom would just leave him to his own devices and not care about his personal life. Skwisgaar was extremely okay with that. “Well, you can play as much as you want from now on, Tokis. Don’t worry, I won’t accuse you of being a Satanist.” He half-smiled before suddenly scrunching his face and tightly closing his eyes. “But first, what about giving me some painkillers?” 

  
Toki quickly got up and put the guitar where he was sitting. “Oh, yeah, yeah! Waits a minute I’s gonna get them.” 

  
Skwisgaar watched him walk away and glanced at the guitar. As he narrowed his eyes and extended his arm to reach for it Toki got in the way.

  
“No Skwisgaar! No moving!” He pushed Skwisgaar gently on his back again.

 

Skwisgaar looked confused. He hadn’t done anything that extreme. He propped himself on his elbows. “Umm…okay, just…cans you hand me the guitar?”

 

When he reunited with his guitar, he played some arpeggios to warm up and then started shredding. His fingers were blurring with the intense speed. He didn’t miss a single note. Toki watched him like he was the best guitarist he had ever seen. Actually, he was.

 

 After five or so minutes Skwisgaar grimaced in dissatisfaction and put the guitar on the floor. “This ams needs to be tuned. I haven’t played this one for a long time, I usuallies play the Explorer.” He paused for a moment when he noticed Toki was watching him with his mouth agape. He waved his arm in front of the other man’s face to get Toki back to the real word again. Toki didn’t move. “Tokis? Ams you breathing? Do something!”

 

Toki came back to himself and blinked a couple of times. He sounded shocked when he spoke, “Skwisgaar you ams a guitar GOD!”

 

Skwisgaar’s lips curved upwards, but then he scrunched his face again. “I will be a better guitars god if you give me my painkillers.”

 

“Oh, sorry.” said Toki, who then gave Skwisgaar the pill and glass of water he had been absently holding the whole time. “I lit a fire in the fireplace while you were asleeps. The house seemed cold.”

 

Skwisgaar wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie and put the glass on the coffee table. ”Ja, you’re right. It wills be even colder next month.” He pulled the blanket up to his chin. “How long haves I slept by the way? What time is it?”

 

“You slept for four hours or somethings. It’s getting on for eleven.”

 

“I guess I have nothing better to do besides sleeping…” He snuggled more under the blanket. His golden hair and blue eyes were the only things visible.

 

“You can always plays some guitar.”

 

“Wanna duel?” Skwisgaar’s muffled voice came from under his blanket. Toki knew he was smiling even though he couldn’t see his mouth.

 

Toki got up slowly and grinned back at Skwisgaar. “Let me get the other guitar and the amps.” He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned his head to Skwisgaar. “You knows what, you ams such a pain in the ass. I feel like you’re gonna tire me out the next few days.” The brunette teased Skwisgaar.

 

“I thinks I have a right to be a pain in the ass because of the ‘pain in my legs’.” He pretended to sound serious but his smirk in his voice gave him away.

 

“You’s always have to be right, don’ts you?” Toki said as he ascended the stairs. He could still hear the other man’s laughter when he reached the top.

 

It was too late when he realized it had turned into heartbreaking sobs.


	5. Kjøttkaker

The facts hit him hard. He didn’t realize it was nearly impossible to do anything without help at first. But now it was clear. He was pathetic.

 

Toki was upstairs, where Skwisgaar could never go in his condition. When he suggested a duel Skwisgaar was ready to get the other guitar and he had tried to get up unconsciously. And that was the last straw. Toki hadn’t noticed him grimacing in pain and hopelessness, but Skwisgaar couldn’t keep himself together when he was alone. He had reached his breaking point and started weeping. _No_ he told himself. _It isn’t the right time for a cry-baby walk._

 

“Skwisgaar? Ams you crying? What happened?” Toki asked with concern as he descended the stairs in hurry.

  
The blonde was wiping the corner of his eyes with his sleeve. He was trying to recover without being noticed but was failing miserably.

  
“No I'ms not!” He denied, raising his voice. 

  
“Please, tells me what ams wrong.” The Norwegian said as he stooped over Skwisgaar.

  
“I ams fine! I have allergies, that’s all.”

  
“Allergy for what?”

  
“Allergies for Norwegians who ask too many quekstions.” He snapped after thinking for a moment.

  
Toki stopped asking questions, but he was still searching for answers with his eyes. He stood upright and headed for the kitchen. “You wants a sandwich?” He asked while searching for ingredients. The answer came a bit late.

  
“Ja. But I’s goingks to sleep as soon as possibles.”

  
“Okay, I will be quicks.”

  
They ate their sandwiches in silence and Toki washed the dishes after both of them finished eating. It was normal for him to do because in Norway he was the one who did the chores. When he came back he saw Skwisgaar was in a deep sleep. His mouth was agape and his blond locks were spread everywhere like a lions mane. Toki watched him for a minute then headed to upstairs. 

  
It was only his first day in the house but he was already exhausted. 

  
After a quick shower in Skwisgaar’s bathroom he fell asleep in the bed which still had the Swede’s sweet scent on it.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Skwisgaar?” A voice came from afar. He shifted on the couch and pulled the cover over his head. Toki called his name two more times. He heard Toki sighing loudly. Then a pair of hands started to shake his shoulders. The Swede groaned and pulled the cover off.

  
“I’s sleepings Toki!” He protested with heavy lidded eyes.

  
“You have some guests. They said they were your friends.”

  
Skwisgaar came to sitting position and he immediately recognized the grinning redhead and the chubby man at the door.

  
“Hi, blondie! Your pretty friend didn’t let us in.” 

  
“Pickle! Moidaface! Come in.” Skwisgaar said as he rubbed his eyes, still trying to arise from sleep. They both had come from America to Sweden for education. They had been studying in Stockholm University for two years. Skwisgaar had been to their small student housing apartment a couple of times for parties. 

  
They seated themselves on the other couch and Toki sat on the armchair. He looked confused. Skwisgaar broke the silence. “Toki, these are Pickles and Moidaface. We used to have a bands… but we broke up. Because of my fuckings job.”

  
“I told you not to leave, Skwisgaar. There you go! It looks like the damn car didn’t do you any favors.” said Pickles.

  
“Yesch, Schkwisgaar we told you!” Murderface repeated.

   
“Uhh…who told you I hads an accident?”

  
“Nathan.” They said simultaneously.

  
“Right…he is the only one who knows it.”

  
“Ahh, Schkwisgaar? Where isch your mom?” Murderface asked as his eyes wandered the house with hope.

  
“She’s gone.” He answered monotone.

  
Murderface looked like he was going to cry. But he didn't ask for the details because of the look on the Swede's face.

 

 Skwisgaar always knew about Murderface’s love for his mother. But he never cared about it. Because eighty percent of the men he knew hit on his mother anyway. He was used to it.

  
Pickles suddenly stood up. “Dude we got you a present. It’s in car, wait, I’m gonna get it.” He came back with a pair of crutches. They had pink bows and get well cards on them. “Nathan told us you didn’t have these.”

  
At first Skwisgaar didn’t know how to react, he was certainly surprised. Then he smiled at them. “Umm…Thank you guys. I guess I will have to learns how to use them.” He said as he propped them up next to couch.

  
The rest of the visit passed with conversation. Toki also joined in after a while, he got to know everyone better. After an hour Pickles suggested they should leave. Skwisgaar didn’t insist they stay because it was eleven in the morning and he hadn’t even had breakfast.

 

“I liked your friends, Skwisgaar. They seem so nice.” Toki said as he cracked two eggs into a pan.

 

“Yeah, they are good pals. But I prefer presents which makes you happy, not something which makes you remember you can’t fuckin walk.” He said sarcastically as he sunk more into the couch.

 

“Come on, Skwisgaar, you will need them soon.” The smell of the eggs came to main room.

 

“How soon? I can’t use them while both my legs are casted.”

 

“I don’t knows. Maybe we can learn it the next time we go to hospital for your check up.” He put the eggs onto plates and headed for main room to get the Swede. Skwisgaar made a happy noise. He got on the wheelchair with Toki’s help and Toki wheeled it to the table in the kitchen.

 

“You ams a good cook Tokis.”Skwisgaar said as he chewed his meal with a nod of approval.

 

“It’s just eggs, Skwisgaar.” He replied modestly. “But I can show you my majestic cooking skills tonight; maybe I might make some Norwegian stuff.” He poured some more milk to his glass.

 

“No thanks, I prefer Swedish food. It always ams the best.”

 

“Whatever. I’m gonna make it.” The brunette said with a grin. “What about Kjøttkaker?”

 

“What da fuck ams dat?”

 

“Somethings like your Swedish meatballs, but better.”

 

“Oh come ons, I bet it’s not.” Skwisgaar said teasingly. He folded his arms and leaned back.

 

“You bet? I will proves it then.” Toki sat up and went upstairs. He ignored Skwisgaar’s questions which were shouted after him. (What the fuck Toki? Ams you goings to make dinner at fuckin’ noon?)

 

When he came back with his coat on and an armful of clothing, he came across an extremely confused Skwisgaar. He had wheeled his chair into the main room by himself. Toki looked at him amazed from the stairs. “Wowie! Can you finally use it?”

 

“I have strong arms Toki. You forgot that?”

 

Toki nodded slowly as he recalled how mesmerizing Skwisgaar’s guitar solo was. “But why did you make me drive-“

 

“That’s not the issue! What is goings on, can you please tell me now?” The blond man said harshly as he scanned the other man up and down who was struggling with a scarf now.

 

Toki tossed a beanie to Skwisgaar. “Shopping time.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Pfft. I thought we were goings to shopping for real.”

 

“What? Don’ts you consider this shopping?” They passed between the aisles of packaged food. Even though their cab ride to grocery store was warm and dry, snowflakes had covered them when they got out. They still had some flakes on their hair but the heating in the store was melting them slowly.

 

“You serious Tokis? I can’t believe you brought us here just to get the ingredients of your stupid Norwegian meal.” He put his chin on his palm with a bored demeanor. Toki handed him a couple of cans and Skwisgaar took them without arguing.

 

“I don’ts mind if you wanna sleep with an empty stomach, Skwisgaar.” One more can.

 

“Ughh. It ams all my fault. I shouldn’ts have said that you were a good cook.”

 

“Shuts up and be a good shopping assistant.” He patted the Swede on the head gently.

 

“No YOU shuts up and be a good driver.” The blonde responded.

 

When they came back Toki got to work without wasting time. It was still early afternoon, but he didn’t mind it and started cutting some vegetables.

 

“Want some help?” The blond man came to kitchen. He was still wearing his black Wintersun beanie. Golden hair was falling to his chest.

 

He nodded and smiled “You’s still colds? I can make up a fire.”

 

Skwisgaar ignored his question. He drove the wheelchair to the table and patted on it to get Toki’s attention.

 

“Give me the potatoes. I will chop them. You shoulds be busy with the meat.”

 

“Okay, fines by me. Don’t cuts them too small. Cut them…medium size.”  He gave the chopping board to Skwisgaar and turned to counter again.

 

After a couple minutes Skwisgaar let out a yelp of pain. Toki went to him solicitously. “What? Your legs again?” Then he saw the little puddle of blood on the chopping board.

 

“Fucks! The only thing I could do was playings guitar but I won’t be able to do it anymores.” He was disgruntled. He tried to wrap a tissue around his finger. The red quickly soaked through. Then he raised his head slowly to face Toki who was standing there with a tranced look on his face. His eyes were on the Swede’s hand.

 

“Toki? It’s not that bad come ons.” To prove it Skwisgaar raised his finger to his head. That was a bad choice. Toki’s eyes got wilder. Skwisgaar felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny and he twitched.

“Hey stop lookings like that! You’re scarings me!” He finally raised his voice and snapped Toki back from his trance. He shook his head and mumbled something about the meat and took his place before the oven again. Skwisgaar watched him with interest. He shrugged and focused on his injured finger. It was bleeding badly but it didn’t need to be stitched.

 

* * *

 

 

“Well done Tokis, it tastes good.” Skwisgaar nodded again as he did at breakfast. ”And sorry for the bloody potatoes. But I thinks your Kjøttkaker is more brutals now.”

 

Toki chuckled like a kid. He was proud of himself. When he had cook dinner back in Norway his parents never complimented him. In fact, they had never talked at dinner table.

 

“By the ways I thought you had turned to a vampires. It was insane, dude.”Toki shuffled in his seat uncomfortably. When he opened his mouth to say something Skwisgaar cut him off. “Anyway, Swedish meatballs ams still the best.”

 

He didn’t see the crumpled napkin that Toki aimed and chucked at his head. Toki started laughing when Skwisgaar looked at him with disbelief. “Shuts up and eat it you baby!”


	6. Freedom

"Okay, takes off your clothes."

 

"Um, excuse me? You ams here for that."

 

Skwisgaar had decided it was time for a bath. He had never stayed without bathing for more than two days before. His casts were making everything nearly impossible to do but he didn't want to die from smelling like a garbage can.

 

It had been a week since their accident and a snow storm was coming close. Home was getting colder so there was an everlasting flame in the fireplace. Toki had wheeled him to the bathroom on the first floor and they were looking at each other like combatants before a fight.

 

"Really? Did you really asks me to undress you?"

 

"Toki, I know its awkward but there is no other choice." The blonde man said as he took off his shirt. Toki scanned the other man during the action. Damn. Skwisgaar had a nice body. He had never seen a chest that pale before. "Stop eye-fuckings me and help." Skwisgaar said jokingly.

 

Toki blushed and became red as a tomato, but Skwisgaar didn’t notice. He was in his boxers all day already so there wasn’t an extra layer of clothing on his legs. They had wrapped plastic bags around the casts to protect them from the water.

 

"Okay, now close your eyes and help me with this." 

 

Toki hesitated first but then he helped Skwisgaar with closed eyes and turned his head away. When Skwisgaar had nothing on but the casts he held the edge of the bathtub and lowered himself in. He stayed like that for a couple of seconds then he turned his head to Norwegian. "Tokis, stops looking at my ass."

 

"I didn't see anythings, I swears." 

 

"Pfft! Liar."

 

"No, I swe-"

 

"Anyway help me out. My arms are musklular, but I can’t stay like this forever!"

 

After a few minutes of struggling he was finally in the bathtub. The surface was covered with bubbles and only his head was visible.

 

"Ams you responsibles for the bubbles?"

 

"I thought it woulds make you happies."

 

"I'm happy, thanks." He said raising his eyebrows. "Now can you please leaves me?"

 

"Oh, sorries." Toki left the bathroom immediately. Skwisgaar's voice was coming to main room; groans of pleasure.

 

Toki went upstairs and entered his temporary room. He grabbed his bag and took his wallet out. He pulled out a photo from it and sat on the edge of the bed slowly while caressing the paper in his hand. Norwegian words poured from his mouth. "I miss you mom. So much." 

 

He put the photo back in his wallet. 

 

"But don't worry. Revenge is coming."

 

 

Three weeks later they found themselves in the hospital again. Skwisgaar needed a checkup. He protested but it didn't do him any favors that he was in a wheelchair. He kept saying he didn't want to see that asshole's face again. Toki tried telling him he was the one who saved his life, theoretically. But Skwisgaar didn't listen and tried to wheel away from Toki. He grabbed one of the crutches and attempted to defend himself with it. Toki finally gave up and went upstairs.

 

Skwisgaar yelled behind him. "Hah! You can nevers take me to him. Now go for a cry-baby walk!"

 

Toki came back with something in his hands a couple minutes later. Skwisgaar raised his crutch again immediately.

 

"Okay, Skwisgaar, stops being a baby or it wills be bad for you."

 

"Oh! I'm so scared. I think I ams gonna piss myselves."

 

"Don't tells me I didn't warn you."

 

He quickly grabbed the crutch out of the Swede's hands and put it on the couch. Skwisgaar looked anxious and tried to back off, but before he could move the other man grabbed his wrists firmly. It was too late when he realized Toki was tying them together with a rope. He struggled and tried to pull his hands free but Toki was done already.

 

"Fuck you Toki! I am not a slave! And where the fuck did you find that rope you sadistic asshole?"

 

"I am glad I brought a duck tape with me." Toki said and he shoved it on to Skwisgaar's mouth.

 

"Who fuckings carries a duck ta-" And he was shut up. Muffled noises came from him.

 

"I warned you."

 

Skwisgaar's escaping attempts were unsuccessful. It was a mistake to forget that the Norwegian was way stronger than him. And as a result he was being wheeled to outside, to the car which was rented by their combined money a week ago. 

 

Toki realized the blonde was shivering. He still couldn’t wear pants because of the casts. Just shorts. After a quick thought he went inside and brought a blanket with him. He put the Swede inside the car, in the backseat and covered his legs with blanket. 

 

Skwisgaar narrowed his eyes and watched Toki without moving. He had a betrayed look on his face. 

 

Toki took his spot in the driver seat and turned to Skwisgaar. "Come on Skwis, you didn't leave me any other choice."

 

Skwisgaar raised his eyebrows as he heard his name in a different form. Only his mother called him Skwis. 

The Swede raised his hands and tried to say something. But it wasn't understandable so Toki gave up and pulled the duct tape off swiftly. 

 

"Ahh! My mustache!" Came the pained voice.

 

"You don'ts even has a mustache."

 

Skwisgaar ignored his words. "Really, Toki? You really hads to go that far?" He asked gesturing to his hands with his face.

 

"I ams trying to do somethings about your health heres, so stop complaining."

 

At the end of the road trip, which took twenty minutes, they were finally at the hospital. There was a lot of tension in the "asshole's” room. He was pouting and sitting on the examination table. 

 

Doctor Offdensen examined the x-rays in his hand one more time. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

 

"Soooo, Skwisgaar." He looked at the blonde. He was speaking English because he knew Toki didn't understand Swedish.

 

"Okay, tell me how pathetics I ams and let us go." Skwisgaar fixed his eyes to the ground with knitted eyebrows.

 

"No, actually I have some good news."

 

The Swede raised his head slowly. Toki saw a hopeful look on his face.

 

"Your left leg is healed enough to take the cast off." He gestured to Skwisgaar's extremely colorful cast which was painted by Toki when the other man was asleep.

 

"Wh- what?"

 

"You heard me. I hadn't predicted that, but in this month it got in good shape. It was the less damaged one anyway. But it healed sooner than I thought. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your right leg."

 

Skwisgaar's smile faded away as he heard the last sentence. He gave Toki a look. The Norwegian shrugged and patted Skwisgaar' back.

 

"You cans finally use your crutches, Skwis." He gave the blonde an encouraging smile. Then he added in a low voice. "Other than hittings me with them."

 

After some time Skwisgaar was cast-free on one leg. A cast-less leg didn't mean he could just leave the hospital and run away, so he was wheeled to the rented car by Toki one more time.

 

When they got into the car, Skwisgaar stretched his bare leg out before him. He wanted to sit in the passenger seat this time, and Toki didn't protest.

 

Toki was putting the wheelchair in the trunk and he heard Skwisgaar yelling, ‘FREEDOOOOM!’ He laughed to himself and had a seat. When he closed the door and turned to Swede he noticed that Skwisgaar was grinning madly.

 

"Wowie! I didn't know you would be so happy. You should thank me for bringing you here."

 

Skwisgaar was still showing his white teeth. "Oh! Sorry I forgots. Thank you for forcing me to comes here. And using ropes and duck tapes. I appreciate that." He said sarcastically but still smiling.

 

"Stops it or I will use the tape again."

 

"What? I did what you wanted me to do."

 

"Say it froms the heart or I don'ts accept it. And don't use bullshit words."

 

Skwisgaar put his hands to his heart with a dramatic moment and threw his head back. "Thank you, Tokiiiiiis." And he pawed at the other man's hair.

 

"You're welcomes, Skwiiiis." Toki said and did the same to Skwisgaar's hair.

 

As the engine started up, Skwisgaar muttered to himself in a low voice that Toki couldn’t hear. "Skwis..." 

 

His name was echoed in his head for the whole trip.


	7. Crutches

"One more steps! You cans do it!"

  
"Toki, I can't!" Skwisgaar whined. His face scrunched like he was going to cry.

  
"Justs try, Skwisgaar."

  
Skwisgaar was trying to learn how to use crutches. They were in the living room and he had been struggling to stay on his foot for an hour.Toki was encouraging him and keeping the mood light because Skwisgaar didn't seem to want to learn without force.

  
Skwisgaar attempted to take a step but as he did, he fell forward and collapsed on Toki who was standing in front of him the whole time ready to catch him if he failed. Both of the crutches met the carpet. He caught the tall man easily. It was the first time he saw Skwisgaar in his full height and Toki thought he was taller than a tree. Actually he had never felt that short before. It was his turn to raise his head to meet with the other man's eyes. But not now, because they were about to collapse on the floor.

  
Skwisgaar held Toki firmly, afraid that he would let him fall. His head was buried in the Norwegian's shoulder.

  
"I can nevers walk again, nevers." His voice trembled and Toki could swear he heard a sniff.

  
"Don't give up so easilies." He carried the man to the couch and dropped himself next to him. The blonde man bent over and buried his face in his palms. "Looks at me."

  
Skwisgaar shrugged as a no.

  
Toki pulled his arm roughly to make Skwisgaar look. "We will gets over this together, okay?" Skwisgaar nodded slowly. But Toki wasn't convinced. He sighed. "Let’s go somewheres today. We has been stuckeds at home for weeks."

  
Skwisgaar leaned back and peered at the other man with blurry eyes. "Wheres?"

  
"I don'ts know, you choose."

  
Skwisgaar focused outside the window for a long moment. It wasn't snowing but there were big snow piles everywhere. It would snow soon probably. Skwisgaar turned to Toki suddenly. "I wants to get my nose pierced."

  
Toki's eyes widened. "Wowie, I wasn't expecting that."

  
"I was thinkings abouts it for months. So why not now?"

  
Toki looked at him suspiciously, he was surprised. "Well I can'ts say it woulds look bad on you." He scanned the Swede's face with extra interest. "But I don'ts understand why would a person wants one more hole in his body. What about starting with earrings first? Nose is a brave one to start with."

  
Skwisgaar pulled his hair behind his right ear and exposed his piercing holes and grinned to Toki.

  
"Wowie three holes! Your left-"

  
"Ja, same there."

  
Toki extended his arm to touch Skwisgaar's earlobe. Skwisgaar wanted to pull back but something made him stop. His ear was on fire as Toki's hand brushed his skin. He leaned his head to the other man's head unconsciously. Then that fire spread to his face and his cheeks became red.

  
"Why don'ts you wear anything in them?"

  
Skwisgaar finally pulled himself back from the touch. He averted his gaze. He remembered his argument with his mother from months ago. And the words she said...

  
"You looks like a homeless punk, Skwisgaar. Take those earrings off!"

  
"No moms! I cans do whatever I wants. You can'ts controls me!"

  
"On second thought, you look so feminine, just like a woman!"

 

* * *

 

  
"Skwisgaar, Earth to Skwisgaar."

  
A hand was waving before his eyes. He blinked and turned to other man. "I... my mom..."

  
"What?" Came the high-pitched voice.

  
"Nothings. It takes a lot of time to put them on, that's why." He said quickly. He didn't need to share his bad memories.  And Toki didn't need to know them.

  
"Oh, okay then. Come ons move your lazy ass. We has a piercing shop to go tos."

  
Skwisgaar raised his brows and gave Toki a surprised look. "Wait. Are we really goings now?"

  
"I askeds you where to goes and you said piercing shops. So why ares we waitings?"

  
Skwisgaar tried to look brave and smile but his anxiousness was all over his face. "I- I don'ts feel ready." He tried to chuckle but his fear was audible in his voice.

  
"Skwisgaar Skwigelf is afraid to get his nose pierced, haha!" Toki was clearly enjoying the moment. He got up from the couch.

  
"No ims not! I ams not afraid of anythings."

  
Toki put his hands on his hips and narrowed his eyes, with a teasing smile on his face. "Proves it."

 

* * *

 

  
After some time they were in the car, coming back from the piercing shop. Skwisgaar was touching his nose once every minute or so and he constantly groaned from the pain. Toki was ignoring the sounds that came from the other man, but after fifteen minutes he gave up.

  
"Skwisgaar stops whining you knew it would hurts." He said without taking his eyes from the snowy road.

  
"But it wasn'ts supposeds to bleed! Hurts likes a bitch."

  
 Toki smiled to himself and thought out loud. "I loves it when you bleed."

  
Skwisgaar stopped making weird noises. He turned his head to other man with concerned eyes. His mouth was agape and he was trying to understand what had just been said.

  
Toki froze right after saying it and his eyes widened with shock like he wasn't the one who said that words.

  
"Toki. Why dids you say that?" Skwisgaar asked cautiously, still looking at Toki.

  
The Norwegian's movements showed that he was also very uncomfortable. He tried to form the appropriate words but stumbled a bit. " I, I...I thinks red looks good on you."

  
Skwisgaar watched him a little more, than he fixed his suspicious eyes to the road.

  
The rest of the trip passed in an awkward silence.

* * *

 

  
When they got back home Skwisgaar wanted Toki to wheel him to the bathroom. He needed a mirror. He couldn't see his reflection in the shop even though they had mirror. His eyes were wet with tears he had been holding back. Who knew some needle could cause such pain. Toki had realized that and made fun of him for being a cry-baby while they were still in there but stopped when caught the deadly gaze from the other man.

  
Toki was in the kitchen making an early dinner.  The other man was shouting for him, sprawled on the couch. "Tokis! This ams the last time I’m sayings. Gets me to the bathroom."

  
_Glad it's last_ , Toki thought but he didn't say. "And I’m saying this for last times, Skwisgaar. You can gets there by yourselves. You cans do it if you gives it a try."

  
He heard Skwisgaar's sigh and continued to fry the chicken legs on a pan above the counter which separated the living room and the kitchen.

  
 Then he saw in the corner of his eyes Skwisgaar reaching for the crutches. He left the pan on the stove, headed to living room and leaned on the other side of the counter as he folded his arms.

  
Skwisgaar realized the other man was watching him with interest. "You are so cruel, Tokis, you knows that right?" He said as he held the crutches and came to a sitting position. After a few seconds he could finally get himself on his feet.

  
"Yeps" Toki answered, pleased.

  
Skwisgaar's legs trembled and his face gleamed with sweat. He let out his breath loudly. Then he placed the crutches before him and jumped with his healed leg.

  
He didn't fall.

  
"Holy shit!" He screamed with surprise.

  
"Did you means 'HOLE-y shit'?" Toki said, grinning teasingly.

  
"Haha, so funny" Skwisgaar said and grimaced to Toki. Then he groaned and cursed in Swedish. "I'd betters stops making facial expressions for a while. Stupid piercings!" Which was hard for Skwisgaar who had a constant sneer on his face all the time.

  
"Thanks God." Toki mumbled keeping his position.

  
"Shuts up Toki." He took a few more steps (or jumps). He finally reached to bathroom. He was examining his silver nose ring turning his head to different positions to look at it from every angle possible.

  
He hummed happily and whispered to himself. "I looks billion times sexier." He smiled to himself. A little scream escaped from his mouth when Toki suddenly appeared on the mirror behind him. "You scareds me Toki!"

  
"I tolds you you  could do it Skwis. All you hads to do was givings it a try."

  
"Ja, ja. Is this the time when you wait for me to thank you? Well it's not happenings."

  
Toki hit Skwisgaar's arm lightly, jokingly, but the Swede lost his balance and dropped one of the crutches. Toki held him right before he fell and started laughing. "You ams so weaks." The words were hard to understand due to his wild laughter.

  
"Ams not funny Toki, ams not funny." Skwisgaar said shaking his head.

  
Toki was still laughing and holding his stomach when he helped Skwisgaar up and gave him the crutch on the floor.

  
"Is that the smell of burning chickens?" Skwisgaar asked him.

  
Toki stopped wiping his eyes which had shed tears and straightened up quickly. "Holy shit!" He ran towards the kitchen in panic.

  
Skwisgaar yelled after him. "Dids you mean 'HOLE-y shit?" He sighed and sat on the edge of the tub. Now he had to walk all the way back down to the living room by himself.

  
Walking made him suffer, but he would have to get used to it.


	8. Warm Hours

"Ams so hot! I thinks my cast is melting."

Skwisgaar's words echoed in the sauna inside Nathan's house. His family was pretty rich. He had invited them to his house the week previous for a sauna party and nobody could resist a couple of warm hours on a cold winter night. Seriously, what was better than a sauna? 

Murderface and Pickles were there, too. All five of them were lounging in different corners with half-open eyes. 

"I thought you Scandinavians loved saunas." Nathan said with a surprised tone.

Toki laughed and replied, "Oh, we sure loves it, but he is just a baby who always complains about everything."

Skwisgaar jokingly poked Toki's thigh with his toe, as he was sitting next to his feet. The blond was laying on his side and had his head propped on his elbow.

"Dude, your piercing looks gay." Pickles gestured to Skwisgaar's face. Murderface was supporting him with his hard to understand words in the background.

Toki chuckled and Skwisgaar repeated what he had done with his toe as he replied to Pickles. "Shuts up, Pickle, YOUR piercings looks gay." He raised his chin to the redhead, gesturing to his eyebrows.

"Okay, stop this 'gay' fight. It's really gay." Nathan shut them down.

There was a weird silence after that. Everyone had closed their eyes and leaned their heads back, except Toki. He scanned the sauna with curious eyes and looked at everyone with hope to make eye contact and start a conversation, but he wasn't lucky. He flipped his sweaty long hair to the side and started speaking. "So...you said you hads a band. What kinds of?"

"Death metal." Nathan answered with a brutal voice. It seemed even talking about metal made him knit his brows. Metal music made Nathan angry but somehow he was enjoying being angry.

"I loves metal." Toki said.

"Really? Do you play anything?" Nathan asked with little interest. His eyes were still closed.

Before Toki could answer Skwisgaar cut in. "Ja, he plays the guitars. We sometimes jam togethers, he ams pretty goods at it, nearly as goods as me." Toki smiled shyly and blushed. He was already red because of the sauna and it was hard to see his embarrassment but Skwisgaar knew he how he felt when he heard those words. He suddenly became aware of what he had just said and added quickly, "But I ams way more gooders, you knows my playing." He told to others.

Toki’s smile didn't fade away and he shook his head knowingly. "At least I ams way more gooders at not being a dick." 

The poke he waited for didn't come this time. Skwisgaar wasn't looking at him, he was getting sleepy again and had closed his eyes. When Toki realized that, his smile disappeared.

This little conversation between the Scandinavians had taken the other three's attention.  
Pickles looked at Toki who was still watching Skwisgaar for any kind of reaction.  
"Toki, you know, the band is in the past, but if we had ever formed it again I bet you would be one of our guitarists. Because according to Skwisgaar, everyone other than him is shitty. So that means you would deserve to be in Dethklok." Skwisgaar flipped him off after he finished speaking without raising his head. His hair curtained his face so it was impossible to see his facial expression. Pickles ignored him and kept on talking.   
"We were kinda famous back then. It surprises me that you didn't hear of us. We even toured in No-"

Skwisgaar's wide eyes made Pickles stop. The Swede had flipped his wet hair over his left shoulder and his normally full lips formed a thin line. He was clearly telling Pickles to stop talking. Nathan's concerned eyes were flicking between Skwisgaar and Pickles. 

Toki was confused. "Wheres Pickles?" He asked cautiously.

"Nowhere. We even toured in Nowhere. I was joking, we weren't that famous, we were just a couple of teenagers with dreams bigger than our bodies." He continued quickly. "Right guys?"

Everyone nodded slowly. Except Murderface. He was asleep in a sitting position. 

"Ja." confirmed Skwisgaar. "We couldn't even gets out of Stockholm. Actually touring would have beens great, I had never beens abroads before."

"Even Norway?" Asked Toki, there was something different in his voice.

"Ja, evens Norway, nevers been there." Skwisgaar seemed to sweat more even though he was already in a sauna. He tried to keep the eye contact with Toki whose eyes were drilling holes in his head. 

"Liar." Toki said with an eerily low voice. His face was emotionless and his eyes were empty. Skwisgaar was about to avert his gaze when Pickles started to scream.

"Run! Run out if you want to live!" He got up from where he was positioned immediately and headed for the door. Everyone was looking at him like he was insane. Then he pointed the sleeping Murderface.

Murderface’s towel had fallen to the floor somehow, and left the man sleeping naked for the others to see.

Everyone started to get up and yell in panicked voices simultaneously. 

They closed the sauna door behind them in hurry. Everyone was gasping for breath. After a moment Pickles straightened up and spoke. "Wait, someone is missing." 

Nathan was still trying to collect himself and he replied without looking up. "If you are talking about the naked monster inside, yeah we are aware of that."

"No, someone who ams not able to get out by himself." Toki said coldly.

Then a voice yelled from inside, "You left me heres you dildos!"

Everyone froze and listened to him speak, then Pickles ran up to door while and said to himself, "Oh, fuckin’ Skwisgaar!"

*******

Toki was wheeling Skwisgaar's chair to their home. Nathan's house wasn't a long distance away so Toki refused to go by car and opted to 'take a walk' instead. Skwisgaar had sneered at Toki when he heard those words, but Toki didn't force the other man to use crutches all the way.

Leaving the car back at their place was a mistake because it was cold, windy, and their hair was wet from the shower they took after sauna. Nathan let them all use his shower, except Murderface. He was punished because of the disaster he caused. They both wore beanies and think clothes, but it was still freezing.

There was tension between them since sauna and neither made any attempt to speak. After a while Toki broke the silence. "Whats, you are not talkings to me now?"

"Pffft! I don't talks to people who leaves me in a sauna with someone's you-know-what."

Toki laughed. "Your face was hilarious, can't gets it out of my minds haha!"

Skwisgaar pouted but Toki couldn’t see from behind.

They had arrived home. Toki turned the chair towards the door but stopped pushing.

"Why dids you stop?" asked Skwisgaar curiously. 

"You gotta walks." He answered in a monotone voice.

"No I don'ts, Toki! Get me to homes!" 

"Just waits here." He left a confused Skwisgaar behind and walked to door. Skwisgaar silently watched him mouth agape as the Norwegian struggled with the keys. After a few seconds he was inside and Skwisgaar was outside alone waiting for Toki. He didn't attempt to move the chair because it was impossible to get onto porch by himself. 

After a minute Toki opened the door and walked out with crutches in his hands.

Oh no Skwisgaar thought. Not again.

"Time to takes a walk!" Toki said with a cheery voice.

"Toki, please..." The blond begged.

"I can'ts hear what you says but I can hears the forest is calling us." 

"What the fuck, Toki." The other man handed the crutches to him and grabbed Skwisgaar’s upper arms. Skwisgaar sighed and muttered, "You won'ts stops being a tyrant will you?" He slowly got up with Toki's help and placed the crutches under his arms.

"Nopes." Came the answer. "But I’ve always wanteds to go for a walks in the forest beyond our backyard."

Skwisgaar started to hop in the direction of the backyard. He turned his head to Toki who was walking beside him. "Excuses me? Our backyard?"

"What? We both pays for the house, you forgets that? And soon I ams going to run outs of the money I stole from my dads before I ran aways." 

They were approaching to the edge of the forest. Skwisgaar made a little "pffft" sound. "Ok you wons. But one of us needs to gets a job soon. We needs money." He said.

They entered the forest.

"I guess you won't consider getsing a job in this condition so I am the chosen one." Toki said with a sigh. “But first, we shoulds prepare for Christmas!" 

Skwisgaar stopped and looked at the other man with a surprised look. "Why evens? When is it?"

"Tomorrow is Christmas, Skwis."

"Oh, I ams getting old" he said with a shrug.

They walked for a while in silence. Then Toki spoke, "Why you nevers calls your moms? I mean, she woulds give you money."

Skwisgaar scowled and answered with a stern voice. "Tokis, I ams done with that woman, she ams not my moms anymores. I don't cares about her, she shouldn'ts have left me likes that." His angry eyes were focused on the snow piles. It was obvious that walking that much had tired him out. He was exhaling heavily with each step he took.

Toki seemed to take notice but ignored it. Then he said something in a really low voice. "At least she ams alive."

Skwisgaar turned to Toki with a confused look. "What?"

"Nothings." Toki shrugged.

"No, say it agains."

Skwisgaar had stopped and now he was studying the other man. Before he could insist again Toki pointed to a far place of forest and yelled. "Ams that a bear?!"

Skwisgaar turned to see quickly. "Where? Where ams dat?"

He felt a pile of snow collapse on him from a tree above. He was covered in snow and frozen in shock for a moment. Toki was laughing his ass off next to him. Skwisgaar realized Toki had shaken the branches of the tree to drop the snow. Toki propped himself with his hand on the tree to avoid falling from laughing so hard. 

While he was struggling to stand Skwisgaar dropped the crutches and jumped on Toki, halting his laughter immediately.

They wrestled on the ground. Skwisgaar was silent at first, but after Toki's childish giggles began again he couldn't resist and started laughing also. Toki used advantage of his strong muscles to get on top. He pinned Skwisgaar's wrists overhead and scanned him from above. His long hair was draping around the Swede's face. He realized there was a layer of snow on Skwisgaar's face so he brushed it off with one of his hands while still holding his wrists with the other. When he finished he kept his hand on Skwisgaar’s cheek.

Skwisgaar's smile was gone and he watched Toki without any movement. The palest eyes he had ever seen were looking at him in a really different way. Skwisgaar felt a strong burning in his chest. He wanted to push him off but his body didn't obey him. The hand on his cheek made his body feel as if it were alight with flames and he didn't feel the cold snow under his body.

Toki lowered his face further. The odd look in his eyes never changed. Their faces got closer and closer. Skwisgaar raised his head to Toki's but Toki suddenly jumped off of him, leaving Skwisgaar speechless. 

Toki got to his feet and extended his arm to Skwisgaar to help him up. He gave the man his crutches and headed in the direction of their home. He spoke like nothing had just happened. "I ams so hungry lets go home."


	9. Christmas Eve

Stockholm was brighter than ever. There were Christmas lights and decorations everywhere; on the streets, in the shop windows, on the trees…And two Scandinavians were walking the snowy streets of the beautiful city. Well, one was walking and the other was in a wheelchair.

“Toki, I don’t wants a Christmas tree in my house.”

“We are gonna buys it anyway. It’s my first Christmas withouts my parents. We never hads a Christmas tree and I dont wants to miss dat chance.”

Skwisgaar sighed. “Ahh, okay. But don’t makes it look stupid. Makes it look brutal.”

“Skwisgaar it ams dead already, amen'ts dat brutal enough?”

“But don’t decorate it with lights and all the other fancy things. It ams not metal Toki.”

Suddenly the chair stopped.

“Toki?” No answer. Skwisgaar turned in his chair to see the other man. As soon as he did he came across sad puppy-dog eyes looking at him.

“Ahh, Toki stops lookings at me like dat.” He changed his voice like he was talking to a little kid. Toki didn’t stop looking like a puppy. “Alrights, alrights! Do its the way you likes.”

He turned his face froeward again. He felt arms surround his neck tightly, as Toki hugged him from behind.

“Thanks you, Skwisgaar! You won'ts regrets it! I will de-”

“Toki I cants breath.” Came the wheezing voice.

Toki loosed his arms and Skwisgaar exhaled heavily. “Sorries.” He said. But Skwisgaar doubted he was sorry.

They came to a halt before a grocery store. When Toki attempted to get Skwisgaar’s chair through the door, Skwisgaar stopped the wheels with his hands.

“What?” Toki asked.

“Umm, I don’t wants to waste my time buying stuff for meal. Woulds you let me go just for half an hour? I wants to shop by myselves.”

Toki thought for a moment. Skwisgaar’s hands were still holding the wheels tightly. “But I will prepares a julbord, ,I thought we would choose whats we eat together.” The disappointment was obvious in his voice.

“What the fucks is dat?”

“It ams a buffet. Including salmons, herrings, meatballs, hams, cheeses…wait, it’s a Swedish thing, how comes you don’t know about it?”

“Ask it to my moms. Will you lets me go?” Skwisgaar asked with hope.

“But the ground ams icy, who will helps you if you fall?”

“Toki, I haves learned how to use this chair. Don’t worries I haves my phone with me.”

Toki was still hesitating. Finally he gave up and rotated the chair to the direction of the street again. “Okay, fines. But don’ts get lost, we will meets right here ok? I don’t want to stop people and ask thems if they saw a hot blond on a wheelchairs.”

“Wha-“

“See youuus!” He entered the store immediately and left a puzzled hot blond behind.

* * *

 

The buffet Toki was talking about was the best thing Skwisgaar had ever seen. He thought he wouldn’t be hungry ever again, at least for the next week. They ate a lot. Toki kept surprising Skwisgaar with his cooking skills every day. When Skwisgaar asked Toki how he knew the Swedish tradition he had shrugged and smiled to himself.

After the meal Toki got up from his chair so swiftly that he nearly knocked it over.

“Wow, keep calms it ams not midnight yet.” Skwisgaar said with a mouthful of turkey. Toki went to the corner of the room and came back with a box in his hands. _What is that?_

“Present time!” Toki yelled, handing the box to other man. Skwisgaar was shocked. He immediately wiped his mouth with a napkin and grabbed the box.

“I hope it ams not something to eat. I ams gonna explode.”

“Just shuts up and open it.” He had a proud smile on his face.

Skwisgaar struggled with the ribbons and cursed a bit during the process. Then he succeeded in opening it. It was a belt with a skull buckle on it. And it was pretty metal. “Oh, Toki! This ams great. Thanks you so much.” He took it from the box and raised it to air for a detailed examination.

“I knew you woulds like anything about guitars.” His proud smile was still there.

“Guitars? It ams a belt Toki.” Skwisgaar said with a surprised tone. Toki’s smile suddenly turned into pouting.

“Whats? Amen’ts dat a guitar strap?” He lowered his head to his unknown gift. Then he cursed. Skwisgaar started laughing.

“It’s okay Tokis! I liked it anyways.” Toki was sitting now with his arms folded. He looked like a sulking little kid. Skwisgaar was sitting right across him but he couldn’t make eye contact. Toki's eyes were focused on the table with knitted brows.

“Oh come on, Tokis. I liked it believes me! Okay, I knows how to make you smile.” He wheeled his chair to the same corner of the room and came back with a bag himself. “This ams for you Toki.” He gave it to the Norwegian and backed off a bit to watch his reaction.

Toki’s face changed quickly as if he were holding a bar of gold in his hands. Skwisgaar watched him with a grin on his face. He talked to himself basically because Toki was busy with ripping open the bag and didn’t hear a word he said. “I bought it when I was shoppings on my owns. I doubt you likes it but if we give it a brutal name it can be a part of us. And if the name doesn’t work I cans make it look more brutal by tearing it apart to piece-“

He was cut off by Toki’s tight squeeze. He was breathless again. Toki was yelling in a happy voice.

“This ams the best gift I had evers had! Actually, this ams the first gift I had ever had! I loves it Skwisgaar! I loves it so much! I’ms gonna name it Deady-Bear! It will be the most brutal bear! Thank you Skwis!”

“I can’ts brea-“ Said a wrinkled Skwisgaar.

"Oh, sorries....again."

But Skwisgaar doubted he was sorry...again.

* * *

 

“Skwisgaar! Skwisgaar! Get up, the time has come!”

Skwisgaar groaned and pushed Toki away sleepily with closed eyes. He was too drunk and tired. After several bottles of wine and vodka he had fallen asleep on the couch. Toki had tried to stop him but he drank too much as well, however he still he wasn’t as drunk as Skwisgaar.

Well, it was New Year’s Eve and they wanted to party hard as much as they could, even if that meant just drinking alcohol and passing out on various places of the house. The burning fireplace and the TV were their only light. And of course the light of the Christmas tree which Toki decorated with much difficulty and effort.

“Please Skwisgaar, I don’t wants to enter the new years by myselves. I tolds you not to drink that much.” He took a sip of vodka after saying that and giggled like a child.

“Look who says that!” Skwisgaar said with half open eyes. He tried to get up but failed miserably and fell to the ground. It took a moment to him to realize he had cast on his leg. He came to a sitting position and looked at his leg. His unpleasant face changed and he started to laugh hard, like an insane person.

Toki was watching him from above with interest like he had just come across with a wild animal. “What’s it?” The Norwegian asked.

Skwisgaar’s chuckles cut his words off but tried to speak anyway. “Amen'ts, amen'ts that funny? I- I means, look at mes. I thought I coulds gets up by myselves.” Then his laughter took him away again.

Toki sighed, put the bottle on the coffee table and lowered himself onto Skwisgaar. He grabbed the man and helped him to get on his feet. He tried to reach for Skwisgaar’s crutches but the blond didn’t let him go. He was standing on his one foot. His arms were around Toki’s neck and they were holding him tightly to avoid falling. But Toki doubted that was the only reason.

“Don’t leave me Tokis. Hold me, just hold me, I don’t want my crutches.”

Toki felt Skwisgaar’s nuzzling after his words. At first he didn’t know what to do but then he grabbed Skwisgaar’s waist and held him.

“I can'ts holds you too long, Skwis-”

“But I want to enter new year like this.” And he buried his head into Toki’s neck more.

“I thinks you drank too much-”

“Oh, it started.”

The countdown had started on the TV. There were big numbers flashing on the screen. Ten, nine, eight…

Skwisgaar was mumbling overtop it with his Swedish numbers, his eyes still closed.

Toki tried to look at him but it was impossible from that angle. Then he started to do the same in Norwegian. When it came to three Skwisgaar tilted -and lowered again because Toki was shorter than him- his head and looked at Toki with a smile on his face. Toki smiled back. They yelled the last two numbers together and became quiet.

The celebration on TV was the only sound in the house.

"Happy New Year’s, Tokis."

"Happy New Year’s, Skwisgaar."

Toki was still holding Skwisgaar like he was the only thing he had and they were looking into each other’s eyes directly.

Skwisgaar remembered what happened the last time he was in a similar situation. He wouldn’t let Toki go this time. In a brief second he kissed Toki full on the lips and watched him for a reaction. He didn't react first. Then Toki’s hold on his waist shifted suddenly and he pushed Skwisgaar onto the couch.

Skwisgaar collapsed on it clumsily. He felt terrible. He thought Toki would give him a chance this time. While he was preparing himself to apologize, he felt a heaviness descend on his lap. Toki was on top of him and he crushed his lips to Skwisgaar's fiercely. Skwisgaar closed his eyes, smiled to himself and enjoyed the moment. Toki had the softest lips in the world. He put his hands in Toki's hair and pulled him closer. Little moans escaped from the Swede's lips. He never thought he would enjoy something like that. It was an unusual feeling; it was not like the other times he was with various girls. This was different. Toki was different.

When he was lost in the moment Toki straightened up harshly. Skwisgaar tried to pull him in again but Toki got up. He looked at Skwisgaar with narrowed eyes. "This ams wrong. This shouldn'ts have happened." He walked over to the stairs and began to ascend.

"Why?" Skwisgaar shouted from where he laid. He was begging Toki to come back with his eyes. "Why you always act differents suddenly?"

Toki stopped in the middle of the stairs. He turned his head to Swede and held the rails tightly. He was angry. "Because I ams supposed to hates you!" He shouted back with clenched teeth. A second later, he was gone.

Skwisgaar, confused, laid in the same position for a while. Then he rolled on to his side and balled hımself up. "But...why?" He said to himself with a shaking voice. He kept asking himself until he fell asleep.

Toki noticed teardrops on his cheeks when he came back to grab Deady-Bear. He stormed out of the main room and went to his without lingering downstairs.


	10. Pretending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank to super_queer (aka the best betareader) again!!!

Skwisgaar woke up to the sound of TV. It hadn’t been on since the night before. He had a really bad hangover. All the booze he drank last night did him no favors. He tried to ignore the headache but it wasn't easy. 

 

 He rolled on his side and hit his head against something hard.

 

"Ahh!"

 

It turned out he was on the floor and the thing he hit his head on was the leg of the coffee table. He slowly raised his head and his upper torso. He groaned as he felt another wave of pain from the unbearable headache and laid back again as if he gave up.

 

"You fell reallies bad." A voice came from the direction of the kitchen.

 

Skwisgaar propped himself on his elbows and made an attempt to raise his head again.  "Whats?" He yelled back. He tried to see the other man behind a curtain of messy blonde hair but it was impossible because the couch was blocking his vision.

 

"You fell from the couch in yours sleep, just an hour ago." The source of the calm voice appeared behind the couch and leaned on it. He was watching the Swede from above without any facial expression.

 

"Ands you didn't wakes me up?" Skwisgaar asked.

 

"Why woulds I?"

 

Skwisgaar furrowed his brows. He didn't want to reply. It was nonsense to argue over such a thing. 

 

"And evens if I tried to wakes you up you wouldn't. If you ask why, you didn't wake up even though you fells from that fuckings couch."

 

He put his hand on his forehead again and laid back as he tried to suppress his urge to groan aloud in pain. Toki laughed from above.

 

"Dranks too much, huh?"

 

"Ja." Skwisgaar answered with clenched teeth and closed eyes.

 

"I warneds you yesterday. Do whatsever you wants but don;t throw up on the carpet. I don'ts wants to clean ups your mess."

 

"As you wish." Skwisgaar said still in the same position. As he was lying there he felt Toki's hands under his shoulders.

 

"What are you doings?"

 

"It ams breakfast time, you needs to get on your chair."

 

Skwisgaar let Toki help him and ended up at the kitchen table. He was grateful because he was no longer lying on the floor but Toki's unpredictable actions kept confusing him.

 

They sat across from each other and ate in silence. Skwisgaar's eyes kept drifting to Toki's mouth. He remembered his own mouth was covering it just a couple of hours before. He tried to avoid the weird feelings he felt when he thought about it. But it was a struggle. He wanted to get back to that moment again. He wanted to feel Toki's touch once more. He wanted to-

 

"Is there something ons my teeth?" Toki's voice brought him back to reality.

 

"Whats? No? Why dids you say dat?"

 

"Because you can'ts take your eyes from thems."

 

Skwisgaar blushed with embarrassment. It seemed his attempt to hide his stare had failed. He didn't say anything and started to play with the food on his plate with his fork.

 

Toki broke the silence again. "Didn'ts you like your breakfast? I thought you loved eggs and-"

 

"Okay, Tokis. Stops the bullshit. We are kidding ourselves by pretending nothings happened last night." Skwisgaar was done with Toki's charade. His raised voice had caught Toki's attention. But he didn't get the reaction he was waiting for. Toki was looking at him with complete confusion.

 

"Whats do you mean last night? I don'ts remember anythings. You amen'ts the only one who drank last night."

 

Skwisgaar looked at Toki with a surprised expression. "I don'ts believe-"

 

"I ams not lying. All I can remembers is drinkings and eatings. I don't even know how I entereds the new year. So, tells me, what happeneds last night?"

 

Skwisgaar stayed with mouth agape for a second. Then he sighed and fixed his eyes on the plate again. "Nothings."

 

"Okay I wonts insist because I knows it won’t works. I ams in hurry anyway. Needs to go out."

 

Skwisgaar tilted his head. "For whats?"

 

"Nothings." Toki answered teasingly.

 

"Fair enough." He mumbled to himself.

 

* * *

 

 

Toki was gone for an hour. And Skwisgaar was getting more bored with each passing minute. He grabbed his guitar and played some tunes but decided he was not in the mood. It was unexpected, he was always willing to play some riffs with his mighty shredding axe but this time he just couldn’t find it in himself. His mind kept drifting away to Toki. 

 

Finally he put the guitar aside and put his crutches under his arms. For the first time in weeks he headed for the stairs. Something had been bothering him for a while and he was a curious man.

 

He put the crutches on the first step carefully and pushed himself up. With a lot of effort he began to ascended the stairs. He was aware of what could happen if he fell down the stairs. The worst scenario kept repeating in his mind but he finally was victorious and sat on the top step to gain his strength back.

 

Now he could do what he came there to do. After getting up with caution he aimed for his old room which was occupied by Toki now. He scanned the room with much interest and hunted for something unusual. He saw Deady Bear on the bed. He smiled to himself and sat on the bed. He took it in his hands.

 

He expected the bear to be beaten to death or ripped apart after last night but it was still looking brand new. It seemed Toki couldn't harm his new friend.

 

He looked through the window located next to bed and realized how much he missed that view. Even if he was in a horrible mood, seeing the winter sun shining above the pale snow piles on the trees always brought him warmth. That feeling was priceless. And a peaceful smile occupied his face as he fell into a sea of good memories.

 

As he attempted to get up a black backpack next to the bed caught his attention. It was the bag Toki was wearing when he first saw him hitchhiking.

 

He never had a chance to learn what was inside it, _maybe some clothes and private shit_  he thought. But that didn’t stop him. He reached for it and put it on his lap. He shouldn't have done that. But how could Toki find out about it anyway? 

 

Skwisgaar was disappointed. As he predicted there was normal stuff in it like t-shirts, pants, a comb and an old newspaper.

 

Well, the last one was kind of interesting.

 

"Pfft! Fuckings Norwegian." He said under his breath after taking it from the bag. When he was about to put it back, the photo on the page caught his interest.

 

The photo caused goosebumps to rise all over his body. There was a woman lying on a snowy fıeld wearing all black. She looked dead. Skwisgaar felt really uncomfortable, something was bothering him but what was it?

 

Then he scanned the foreign words once so unfamiliar again and understood some of them like "car", "woman", "dead" and "teenagers".

 

 He felt his blood freeze.

 

Abruptly he took his phone from his pocket and searched for Nathan's number. When he found it, he placed the phone on his ear with shaking hands. Nathan was not answering. But Skwisgaar kept calling and calling.

 

After his fifth try a growling voice answered coldly. "Stop calling me you asshole. I'm done with you." 

 

Well, Skwisgaar wasn't expecting a greeting that harsh. He sat there for a moment with shock then he spoke for the first time. "Nathan it ams so importkants. We needs to talk. Urgentsly!"

 

"Find another one to tell your lady problems Skwisgaar. Don't ever call me again."

 

"Nathans he knows it! Toki knows it! He was the one-"

 

He stopped talking when he noticed Nathan hang up on him. He stared at his phone with his mouth agape. Why the fuck Nathan was treating him like that? What was wrong with him? He called him again but nothing had changed. Except Nathan. He had never talked to Skwisgaar like that before.

 

When he was lost in his thoughts he heard sounds from downstairs. He realized someone was opening the door. 

 

Toki was home.

 

* * *

 

 

The fucking key wasn't coming out of the keyhole. Toki cursed in Norwegian under his breath and after few tries he finally got it out. He sighed with relief and closed the door behind him. 

 

Skwisgaar wasn't there. He furrowed his brows and scanned the first floor. He heard a voice from upstairs when he was about the knock on the bathroom door. 

 

He ascended the stairs swiftly and entered his room with panic. But the image before his eyes made him stop at the threshold.

 

Skwisgaar had crawled in his bed and was sleeping silently. He was facing the wall so Toki could only see the back of his head. 

 

He approached the sleeping man and stood there for a moment. 

 

He had no idea what to do. Also, he had no idea Skwisgaar was holding his breath to avoid making any noise. 

 

"Skwisgaar, what ams you doings here?" 

 

The blond man slowly turned to his other side and opened his eyes. He was trying hard to look sleepy. He yawned and looked at Toki who was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Oh, you backs?" He stretched his arms.

 

"Yeps...whats about you? Do you haves a story to tell me?" The confusion was obvious on both his face and voice.

 

"Ah, this?" He looked down at the bed and chuckled. "I guess I misseds my room. I didn'ts realize I passed outs here."

 

"Alrights you little baby." Toki said with a fake sincerity. He bent down, grabbed the backpack and put it inside a drawer." I wills be at the kitchen. Come and helps me when yours beauty sleep ends."

 

"Okays, I will gets up."

 

"Whens?" Toki asked. Skwisgaar would normally over react when Toki was making fun of him. But he looked extremely calm then.

 

"Soon."

 

"How soon?"

 

"Pfft, very soon!"

 

"I hope." He said and he disappeared.

 

Skwisgaar let his breath out heavily and curled up on his side again. He held Deady Bear firmly in his arms and closed his eyes.

 

"Damns! Dat was close." He whispered to himself but he was sure if Deady Bear was alive it would agree with him.


	11. No More Secrets

"But what if I's fall? Toki, what if I's fall?"

 

"You can get downs just as you climbeds up there." The pissed voice answered him from the kitchen. 

 

Skwisgaar was standing on the highest step and he didn't have the courage to descend the stairs by himself. They were shouting to each other to communicate because they were on different floors of the house and Toki was not willing to get Skwisgaar down.

 

"No, Tokis!" Skwisgaar yelled again with the obvious panic in his voice. "That was differenkts. Ascendings them was much more easiers. But I haves a higher possibilities to fall when I's-"

 

"Stop bitching and get downs by yourselves." Toki shouted. Skwisgaar felt the anger in his voice. 

 

Skwisgaar was not just wanting attention, he was actually afraid. He was scared that he might break one of his bones again. This much trauma was more than enough for him and he didn't want to go down that road again. He didn't think about coming back down when he was going upstairs.

 

After finding the courage he finally started to descend the stairs one by one, with short breaks at each one. Fucking crutches were hard to hold in a situation like that. When he reached one of the last ones, one of his crutches slipped and he lost his balance. He grabbed the rails immediately to avoid falling as a panicked scream escaped from his mouth.  His breathing quickened abruptly with the fear. 

 

He slowly placed his butt on a step with widened eyes.

 

He was a bit in shock about almost living out his fear. He slowly got up again with the help of the rails and his eyes searched for Toki to come and apologize for not helping. But he didn't come, nor did he ask if he was okay.

 

With a high level of caution he finally arrived his destination; the couch. He collapsed on it but it was hard to enjoy the victory when he felt betrayed. What the fuck was wrong with Toki? Or anyone? Why had everyone was stop caring about Skwisgaar? He had never felt this alone in his life, even when his mom was gone for several days to hang with other men and he was home alone.

 

The man whom he lived with had a weird personality. At first it wasn't so obvious to Skwisgaar but now he was starting to feel uncomfortable about it. And the things he had just found out about him in his room...That was a whole different story. And by pretending everything was normal, he was only kidding himself.

 

He realized his eyes were fixed on Toki who was cutting some vegetables on the counter furiously. But Toki didn't look back even though he was aware of the eyes on him.

 

Skwisgaar slowly turned his head to the TV and tried to focus on it. Then he felt movement beside him. Toki was sitting next to him. Skwisgaar didn't look at him first.

 

"I remembers everythings." Toki said with a monotone voice.

 

"Remembers what?" Skwisgaar asked, then he made eye contact with the other man.

 

"Last night. I was lying this morning. I wasn't that drunks. I remember everythings."

 

Skwisgaar's muscles tensed with his words. His mouth pressed into a thin line. Toki was looking at him straight in the eye. He swallowed his spit and tried to find words. "Why dids you lie?" He could finally say.

 

Toki leaned on his back, stretched his arms on the couch in a relaxed way which made Skwisgaar more uncomfortable. The Norwegian sighed as if he remembered some good memories and smiled peacefully. "Because I didn'ts want to ruin my plan. Everythings was greats for weeks, just as I wanteds. But last night things got outs of hand. You fuckings kissed me! Right there." He pointed to where they stood together when entering the New Year. His pleasant mood was gone.

 

 Each word Toki said was confusing Skwisgaar. He stumbled a bit. "Wh- what?" Was the only response he could give. He wanted to ask more but he couldn't. He had never seen Toki like that before. He feared if he said something wrong the other man would beat the shit out of him.

 

 "I said that night that I was supposed to hate you. But you make it so fuckings hard Skwisgaar! I just- I- Ahhh!" Toki was behaving like he was fighting with his demons. It was obvious that he was in a struggle. And he was hiding something.

 

Skwisgaar backed off as much as he could from Toki. He wanted  to and was scared to listen at the same time. He realized he was holding the edge of a pillow tightly with his fist. There was more tension than oxygen in the air. 

 

"You know whats? I's gonna tell you everything! I had enough times acting like someone I ams not!"

 

He got up from the couch just to sit on the coffee table, right across Skwisgaar who was sitting like he was tied to couch. Toki bent forward slightly and held his hands together as if he was in a serious business meeting. Brown hair was covering the sides of his face, he threw it over his shoulders.

 

"Toki, I don'ts understand." Skwisgaar said with a confused voice. But actually, he could predict what Toki was going to say. He knew it when he saw the newspaper.

 

"First of alls, Skwisgaar, we don'ts needs to fool ourselves. I knows you looked at my bag when I was outs. You ams so stupid, at least don’t leave any evidence next time."

When Skwisgaar gave a questioning look Toki rolled his eyes and resumed with a straight voice. "You left the zips open." 

 

"Shit." Skwisgaar whispered to himself.

"You thoughts I wouldn't find out about it didn'ts you? Well, I's not as naive as you thinks I ams."

 

Skwisgaar was watching the other man without any expression on his face. He felt numb.

 

"You deserves to hear the whole story from the start." 

 

Skwisgaar inhaled sharply. He wanted to tell Toki to stop but his body was frozen like the cold lakes of Sweden. 

 

"It was a year agos. I was doings my chores as usual. It had snowed a lots that day and I hads to clean the road to our home. It was right nexts to an active road. Anyway, I was cold because I had forgots to wear my gloves. In the middle of the process I put the shovel aside, kneeled down and tried to warm my hands with my breath. And when I raiseds my heads to look at the source of the sudden voice from home, I saw my dads was walking straight to me furiously. I knew what he was comings for. My mistake was leaving the road half cleaned and doing somethings else. I gots on my feet quickly. Dads reached where I was and slapped me really hard on the face. I's fell on my knees and holds my cheek. It was burning like hell. Well, I shoulds thank my dad for that because he had founds a way to warm me in that freezing winter night." And he chuckled to himself as he shook his head as if it was so funny. Then he pulled his serious face again.

 

"But back then I felt nothings but pain. He used to slaps me all the time, but not like that before. I can'ts remembers when I's started to cry in pain. And also I can'ts remembers when dads went back inside because my hair was covering my face and I couldn'ts sees anything. I coulds feel the frozen tears on my face. I was on my knees, weeping, helpless. Well, it wasn't too long when I heard the door slamming open again. I covered my head with my hands immediately to protect myselves. But instead of another violence, I felt a soft stroking on my hair. My mum had come to comfort me. She coulds never protect me from my father and I ams not sure if she ever tried but she was always there for me to make me feel good. She whispered my name several times, she tried to help me get up but I resisted. I didn'ts move even an inch. She shouldn'ts have seen me likes that, her only son, crying into cold snow piles...It wouldn'ts be good for her.

 

“I could feel the people in the cars were watching us while passings by our homes. It must have been an interesting scene for all of them after all white scenery for miles. So I kept beings stubborn. And she finally gave up. But I didn'ts, I just kept my position. I could feel mums watching me with sad eyes. She was standing, waiting there for me to make any move. After seconds of silence I heard the wild roaring of a car engine. I always heard them but this one was coming closer than it shoulds be. When I felt it had passed by us I finallies raised my head and saw the car was just meters away from me in the snowy field and it wasn't movings.

 

“I wiped my tears and turned my heads to ask mums what was goings on but she wasn't theres. _She is so fast, wow_ , I thought and got on my feets. I remember I was so calm during the walk from the home to car. I looked at the number plate and figured it was from Sweden. It was familiar to me but I couldn't remember why. And can you believes it? It was a Mustang! What a coincidence amen'ts it Skwisgaar? Just when I was abouts to get next to car and ask the drivers how coulds I help them, the engine started wildly and it drove so fast and swerved onto the road again. Then it revealed the body behind it. My mom's body. She was lyings there, completely dead. I realized the car had dragged her body for meters to that spot and she was lying there, in the snow without movings..I just stayed there lookings at her lifeless body like a zombie. 

 

“I felt something died ins me, I felt crushed, she was my onlies defender in life. I felt sadness and hate at the same time but most importantlies, I felt a desire for revenge." He suddenly got up and held Skwisgaar from his Amon Amarth hoodie firmly. The Swede's face was paler than a ghost. The only reaction he gave was a small, terrified sound. Toki's hair was brushing his face. And both were looking at each other with widened eyes. Toki continued his speech enthusiastically.

 

"Then I's remembered why that fuckings car was so familiar. Just the other day I was at a shitty clubs. A band called "Dethklok" was goings to play there and I wents there without the permission of my parents. I just told them I was goings to my rooms to sleep but I sneaked outs from the window. Anyway, I had fun by myselves that night. Do you recall you tellings me you had never been abroads, even Norway?!" He pulled the neck of the hoodie more and approached his face.

 

"Who is the liar now Skwisgaar? Well, I gotta says that you played really good that night. You tooks my attention immediately. And you knows what? I thought myselves 'What a hot chick!' I was thinkings of flirtings you after the concert but then I realized you were a boy! I would haves laughed if I wasn't so disappointed." He used Skwisgaar’s weakness to draw out words, but the other man couldn’t reply. 

 

"The car, _your_ car, the Mustang was outside venue. When I gots out of the club I saw you getting on to driver seat and the other guys got in also with the gears. I noticed they were not from Scandinavia or somewhere near. I immediately recognized the American accent. Buts I was sure you were Swedish. That shitty English and sharp cheekbones gave you away. Then you all disappeared into the car. Back to hotel, I guessed. That was the times when I first saw the Mustang. The thing which killed my mom.

 

“We buried my mums shortly after. Just dads and I. We had to put up with each other for the rest of our lives. My dad, well, he blamed my moms death on me for not protecting her. His punishments never ended. At one point I thought about committing suicide, I couldn'ts lives like that forevers. I had no reason to lives for, excepts one. The revenge of my mother. So, after months of research about you, finding where you lives, where you works, which roads you use and whom you hang out withs, I left the home. I was glads Dethklok was kinda famous in Stockholms...I took advantage of the internets.

 

“I was full of anger. I hitched all the way from Lillehammer to Stockholm. <em>What luck</em> I thoughts when you stopped by me when I was waiting for your car to pass by. I wanted to kill you right aways when I's got into car. But I had to be patient. I wanteds you to suffer, I wanteds you to feel the pain my moms felts. But that was not enoughs, you had to feel more sorrow than her. So I kept executing my plan. I added some pills into yours coffee when you were lookings at the road and that’s why your eyes became so heavy suddenly."

 

Skwisgaar opened his mouth with shock but he couldn't say anything. Toki sat next to him without changing the distance between their heads. "So I turneds the steering wheel right into the first giant tree I saw. You thoughts I was trying to save the cars and helps you when I was reaching for it, didn't you?" He chuckled, but Skwisgaar was looking at him with a straight face unlike Toki. 

 

" I knew I could die also. The risk was too much but I had to do it. Well I had nothing to lose at that moment so it didn'ts matter. I die, you die, fair enough. Everyone's happy. I was so lucky nothing happeneds to me, well sorry for you." He motioned to the casted leg. He said the last sentence as if he was really sad about it.

 

"Well, I needs to say that I was so fuckin happy when you found  out your mothers was goings to live somewhere else. Nothing betters could have happeneds. Because we were alone now. Just you and me. And you needed me. Without my helps you wouldn'ts survive. So I started to pretends I cared abouts you. It was reallies hard first. Takings care of the murderer of your mother...But I got used to it, I tried to forgot the truth and focus ons the main object. I needed you to trusts me. To accept me as your friends, your best friends! And I tried my best, indeed. But during that time I realized I reallies started to care abouts you, no more pretending I mean. I didn't know why it happened like that. I wanteds to feel the hate again and I always did actuallies, but it was not likes the first time. I wanted to hates you with all my hearts Skwisgaar, but you were making everythings difficult for me!"

 

He suddenly got up and grabbed Skwisgaar by his hair. Skwisgaar sat there like a statue. Toki yanked his hair to make him move. "You shoulds be wondering how she felts when she suffered. So do I, Skwisgaar. I wonder how she felts. I was hopings _you_ could tell me hows."

 

"Toki! It hurts!" Skwisgaar said as he closed his eyes with the sharp pain on his head. 

 

"Gets up!" Toki ordered. Toki forced him to stand harshly with another pull of hair, and Skwisgaar fell on his knees because he still couldn’t stand.

 

"Toki! Stop!" He begged. But Toki ignored him. He started to drag Skwisgaar to the back door of the house. The Swede was telling him to stop while he was being dragged on his knees but Toki didn't. He was trying to take the other man's hands out of his hair but Toki was so strong.

 

He opened the back door and revealed the beautiful view of the backyard but neither of them was interested in the view at the moment. Toki threw Skwisgaar into the snow piles and he fell on his knees again. He tried to turn over on his back and as he did, he came across an angry Norwegian who was about to jump on him. 

 

Toki sprang forward and landed on Skwisgaar.

 

He started punching Skwisgaar in the face as he straddled him. Skwisgaar was begging him to stop and sobbing. But Toki was unstoppable.

 

"Do you remembers the time you calling me a sadistic asshole?" Punch. "Well, I actually ams." Punch "as you can see." Punch.

 

Skwisgaar was starting to feel faint. His eyes were half open. He had given up fighting back. He could feel the metallic taste of his blood. But he couldn't feel his face. It was completely numb. 

 

Toki got up from him and stood above him. His fists were clenched and bloody. The look on his face was insane. It was...sadistic. And scary

 

For the last time he shouted at the other man with furrowed brows. "I hates you because I love you!" And he slammed the door behind him.

 

Skwisgaar would have laughed at the irony if he was not lying there unconscious.


	12. The Good, The Bad and The Evil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay; my school had started and i can't find enough time for writing since then. So...i hope you like this!

Skwisgaar woke to a soft touch on his face. Although it seemed gentle, it stung with pain. He tried to open his eyes slowly. His vision was blurry. After blinking a couple of times he could see the body bending over him properly. He recognized the shape as Toki, watching him with interest. 

Skwisgaar flinched back with fear suddenly. Toki shrunk back, too.

"Don't fuckings touch me!" Skwisgaar shouted as he backed away more. He realized he must have been carried to the couch while he was unconscious. His face hurt like hell. He could imagine the swollen, discolored skin without looking at the mirror. 

Toki’s hand halted in the air after Skwisgaar's words, he held a piece of cotton between his fingers, trying to help.

"I wonts hurts you." He said with a low voice.

"Gives me just one reasons to belives you." Skwisgaar said trying to look furious, but actually he felt scared. 

Toki sat on the couch with a sigh and Skwisgaar pulled his knees to his chest at the same time. He tried hard to avoid his touch.

"I ams sorries. Well, nots so much because I feel relieved nows." He shrugged as Skwisgaar furrowed his brows more.

"I shouldn'ts have beats you up that much. For a second I forgots I needed you alive." 

His words were making Skwisgaar feel everything but comforted.  "Now, your face is in bads shape, let me fix it or it wills ache more." 

Skwisgaar didn't nod but it was good enough for Toki. He got up again and came closer to the Swede's face. Skwisgaar flinched as the piece of cotton brushed his cheekbone. 

"Don't moves." Toki said, concentrated on the damaged skin. 

"It burns." Skwisgaar whined. 

"I needs to disinfect your wounds so stop cryings like a baby. I ams aware I went too far and if you don’t want anythings like that to happens again, do what I says! Alrights?"

Skwisgaar nodded slowly and let the other man do his job. He was holding back his tears. The pain was too much. 

Toki placed a plaster on his cheekbone after he was done sterilizing. Skwisgaar noticed that the white cotton Toki put aside was blotched red. 

"Does it needs stitches?" He asked with a worried voice.

"Nah, it wills be fine."

"Maybe you shoulds take me to a hospital-"

"I said it wills be fine!" He shouted. Skwisgaar shut his mouth and avoided looking at the other man's eyes. Toki's knitted brows were telling him enough.

Toki continued his work on Skwisgaar's sliced open eyebrow. He clenched his teeth at the pain but didn't make any noise. "You ams lucky nothing happeneds to that piercing."

Skwisgaar chuckled sarcastically. "Me? Luckies? You ams funny.’ The response was not-so-gentle pressure on his eyebrow. He pouted again. After a minute of silence he spoke. "So you ams responsible for the accidents, huh? You made me likes this. My legs actuallies" He corrected himself.

"Justs like yous. You ams responsible for me being orphan."

Skwisgaar regretted what he said. He tried to change the subject while Toki was doing the final touches on his eyebrow.

"I wills make a wild guess about the motive of Nathan's weird acting towards me. It was you."

"Congrats! The answer ams true." He muttered.

"But why? What dids you tell him?" 

"And the others." Toki added.

"And the others." Skwisgaar repeated with a sigh.

The Norwegian backed off a bit and studied the Swede's face, looking concerned. 

Skwisgaar got anxious, naturally. He asked "Whats?"

Toki was stroking his chin with his hand. "I trieds my best but this won't lessen the pain. It's pretty badly bruised...and bloodies." Then he touched Skwisgaar's bottom lip to prove it. His thumb became red. He showed it to Skwisgaar. The other man did the same and looked at his thumb, then at Toki.

The Norwegian was looking at Skwisgaar's mouth. He was biting his lip, obvious that he was struggling with something. That made Skwisgaar shift uncomfortably in his seat. 

"Uhmm...Toki? Woulds you consider givings me a painkillers maybe?"

"No." He said trying to look somewhere besides Skwisgaar's lip.

"Whys?" He asked with a disappointed voice.

"Because I's an asshole."

"Makes sense." Skwisgaar said under his breath. He closed his eyes firmly and rested his head back as if it could make him suffer less. 

"Aghh! Don'ts makes me pity you!" 

Skwisgaar opened one of his eyes and saw Toki walking to kitchen. He could have smiled to himself if it didn't hurt his face.

Toki came back with painkillers and a glass of water. Skwisgaar drank it with the pills, then gave the glass to Toki with scrunched face.

"Still wanna hears the rest of the stories?" Toki asked as he sat next to other man again.

"J- ja, tell me what’s you told them." He stuttered a bit.

Toki sighed, "I told thems that you were an arrogant motherfuckers and your plan was to leaves the band as soon as you become famous."

Skwisgaar was confused now. "And justs because of thats they stopped talkings to me?" He asked with a curious tone.

"Actuallies I might have also said that you told me Nathan's voice is gross, Pickles is not a real drummer and Murderface has no talent."

"Oh fucks you!" Skwisgaar covered his face with his palms.

"You shoulds have seen their faces." Toki added with a chuckle. 

"What weres you tryings to do?" He asked, his head still in his hands.

Toki smiled to himself. "Amen'ts it obvious? I wanted you alones. I needed to be sures that you couldn'ts gets any help."

"No- Toki, you ams..." he was trying to find the right words.

"I ams what?" Toki asked.

"You ams evil!" He finally said as he tilted his head. His eyes were wet thanks to mixed feelings burning inside him. He was struggling with the emotions. Was he angry? Was he sad? Even he didn't know. 

Toki was enjoying this.

His cheerful demeanor was getting on Skwisgaar's nerves but he could do nothing about it. He didn't want to get beaten to death again.

"You know whats, Skwisgaar" he pulled a serious face at last. "I had never wanted you to meet my dark side, -my evil side as you would say. I used to be a goods person -I still ams! But that accident literallies changed me, it changed my personality. My desire for revenge took hold of the naive Toki insides me. Sometimes I can'ts control that dark Toki and it usuallies ends up bad. Likes this time. I wish I coulds say I was sorry but to be honests, I ams not. Actuallies dark Toki ams not. He doesn't give a fucks about your feelings. He doesn't give a fucks about your damaged legs or face, but the good Toki does."

Skwisgaar was listening to other man with a straight face. He wanted to tell Toki everything was okay and hug him, but he couldn't. That man was his enemy. Or was he? He felt like he was drowning in his emotions. He made eye contact with him. "I don't cares how many Tokis that body consists of, but could you ask them if any of them woulds show some fuckings mercy."

Toki shot upright in his place as the other man continued his words.

"Look Toki, I ams sorry for what happeneds to you, I really ams -all the Skwisgaars insides me are sorry. But none of thems can lives like this, I can't lives like this Toki! If you wants to take revenge, just kill me! But feeling sorrow and pain everyday is not easy. I wants it all to end. I gave up all hope, believe me." His voice was trembling, just like his lips. Toki had an undefinable expression on his face.

"I justs beats you ups one times and you says this?" 

Skwisgaar brought his hand to his blond hair."No, Toki, you don'ts understands. I ams in great pain ever since I'd mets you. I always had bad lucks since then. I ams not just talkings about physicals pain. I can also feels my soul being tortured. I feels like I cans never be happies again. But on the others hand-" suddenly his expression changed. He had a sad smile now. "Sometimes I feels like I had born again. Like I had found the lost puzzle piece of my life and nothings can ruin that. I don't know if it ams good or bads."

Toki seemed sincere and no longer amused. He moved a little closer and asked with a low voice, "How do you feels now Skwisgaar?"

"I… I don't know Toki" he shook his head, "I can't define it with words."

"Is it pain?" He asked as he brushed the back of his hand against Skwisgaar's bruised cheek.

Skwisgaar didn't wince this time. Skwisgaar slowly took the hand off his cheek and pulled it down, holding it kindly in his own hands. "I thinks it ams called kärlek in Swedish."

Toki grabbed the other man’s hand firmly after hearing his words. After a long pause he responded. "I know a little Swedish, Skwisgaar, remember?  And if you ams interested, it ams called kjærlighet in Norwegian."

They both looked at each other like they were seeing each other for the first time. But it wasn't like the time in the car long ago.

There was a whole different meaning in their eyes. They both knew the words meant love.


	13. Coffee Shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating this story every hundred years, i don't want to leave this unfinished...well, i hope you like this one! Thanks for the beta super_queer <3

Beautiful melodies were coming from the second floor of the Skwigelf residence on a cold winter morning. Skwisgaar was playing his Explorer in his old room again after a few weeks. At first he had thought Toki wouldn’t let him use his room but surprisingly he hadn't showed any sign of objection.

 

Skwisgaar normally wouldn’t think about anything but his guitar while playing it but now there was a storm of thoughts in his head. He was making each movement with extra caution for a week. He had learned his lesson, he had to do what Toki wanted him to do, if he argued against him there would be painful results for Skwisgaar. This was hard to accept for someone with a personality like his. He was independent, he could do whatever he wanted. But being kept in a house with a psycho forced him not to.

 

Unfortunately, he had fall for that psycho. It was hard to accept it, too. But he didn’t choose this. It was not his decision. It wasn’t in his hands to figure out whom he loved. He had no idea he could love someone who had sadistic torture plans for him in his mind. Also, had no idea that this person would love him back.

 

With each passing day he felt the bond between them grow stronger. He felt Toki was losing his anger, slowly. But there was no way to be sure of that. And this was driving him insane. He wanted to be close to Toki, he wanted to hug him, take him in his arms all the time. But he could never predict what Toki would do next. So, he had to be careful.

 

Lately, Toki was treating Skwisgaar good. Actually he hadn’t done anything bad to him since he had beat the shit out of him. Skwisgaar felt he was becoming paranoid. Whenever Toki made a sudden move he was covering himself or closing his eyes firmly and waiting for the attack. But it was just Toki reaching for the remote or getting up to put some more wood into fireplace. Skwisgaar felt stupid at moments like that and he knew he looked like a fool. But Toki had never laughed at him for his exaggerated reactions, not even once. Instead he was pouting when he realized it. Knowing that Skwisgaar was scared of him made him sad because he wanted Skwisgaar to love him. But he also knew Skwisgaar was right. He gave the Swede enough reason to hate him. Damn, they both had enough reasons to hate each other. Well, despite of that, they had fallen for each other.

  
He got distracted by these thoughts. “Fuck” he said as he stopped playing and buried his head into his calloused palms.

 

“Skwissy!” A voice came from downstairs. Skwisgaar tilted his head like a cat seeing a big dog in the street. Footsteps came closer as the other man climbed the stairs. Toki opened the door and sat next to Skwisgaar.

 

“What the fuck dids you just calleds me?” He asked with a disgusted look on his face.

 

Toki ignored him. “I wants to take you outside todays.” He said with an innocent smile. Skwisgaar doubted it was truly innocent. What was Toki up to? He was trapped in this house for a long time so that was a big change for him.

 

“For whats?” He asked curiously.

 

“It ams a suprise.” Skwisgaar felt like a kid who has just learned he was going to amusement park. But he decided to keep a straight face instead.

 

“I hope you ams not taking me to the forest in our backsyard agains.” He dropped eye contact after saying this.

 

“No you stupids.” Toki said cheerfully and hit Skwisgaar’s arm lightly. Skwisgaar suddenly flinched with the movement. Corners of Toki’s mouth pulled downwards. They looked at each other silently for a moment. Then Toki got up and said, “Gets ready.” He closed the door behind him. Skwisgaar realized he was still covering his arm with his hand as a protection.

 

* * *

  
  
They were on one of the islands of Stockholm, called Södermalm, Skwisgaar realized as their car passed by a road sign. His chin was placed on his palm and he was slowly banging his head with the Black Sabbath melodies filling up the car. Toki was doing the same but unlike Skwisgaar he had a smile on his face. After a while he pulled his foot off the gas pedal and stopped the car in a crowded street.  
There were happy couples with their kids walking through the street. He made a "pfft" sound when one of the kids started screaming with happiness and jumped on the lap of his father. They all looked so happy.

  
"Fuckings kids. They makes so much noise." He murmured to himself.

  
"Reminds me of someones." Toki said as he elbowed the other man on the side. He acted quickly and got out of the car and closed the door to mute Skwisgaar's protesting.

  
But he wasn't that lucky. Skwisgaar opened his own door and continued to tell him off after standing on his feet (foot in this case) with the help of his crutches. "I barely talks what makes you say dat? I didn’t even speak a words during the ride. You ams not right, you ams talkings more than-" he was interrupted by Toki's hand on his mouth.

  
He didn’t hesitate to lick it.

  
Toki backed off. "Ewww!" This made Skwisgaar grin.

 

Toki asked with a questioning look, "Really?"

* * *

  
  
Toki guided him throughout the street for a few meters. Skwisgaar wondered why he decided to bring him to a coffee shop as Toki gestured to the gates of it to make it obvious that it was the destination. They got in through the door and stopped at the showcase, scanning the menu on the wall to decide what to order. The barista welcomed them with a huge smile. Skwisgaar took the control since he was the Swedish one.

  
"Kan jag få en kopp kaffe och en kanelbulle?" He added swiftly after that, realizing he had just said he wanted a cup of coffee, in Starbucks. He cleared his throat "Caramel Macchiato."

  
The girl answered. "Absolut. Var det bra så?" Skwisgaar was grateful that she was oblivious to what he had done.

  
He glanced at Toki with an arched brow. Toki looked back at the barista instead. "Can I gets a hot chocolate and a lemon cake please?"

  
"Of course sir, anything else?"

  
"No thanks." Toki said with a pleased look. When he glanced at the Swede again he came across with a figure with crossed arms and knitted brows.

  
"Whats? Did you really thinks the girl had no English?" Toki whispered, laughing.

  
"Whatevers..." Skwisgaar shook it off.

  
They settled into a booth next to one of the big windows with their orders in their hands. Well, just in Toki's hands because the other man was too busy struggling with the crutches.  
  
Skwisgaar put both his hands on the table after sitting down and started to look through the window. Toki grabbed hold of one of the Swede's hands firmly. Skwisgaar was caught off guard and tried to pull his hand back. "Easy!" Toki shot. Then he realized Toki was just trying to get his attention. "Heres, have your girly drink." He accepted it hesitantly.

  
"As if hot chocolates ams the manliest drink in the world" He said with a ‘pfft’ and heard Toki chuckling.

  
"Oh, by the ways" he added, " Dids you reallies bring me to fuckings Starbucks? You knows Espresso House ams better, everyone in Sweden knows it."

  
"Oh shuts it, blondie" the younger man opposed. "You secretlies like Starbucks admits it! Everyone in Sweden knows it" he said with a smirk.

  
Skwisgaar didn't say anything against it, because he was indeed enjoying his drink at that moment. So he just shrugged at Toki.

  
They sipped their drinks in an awkward silence. Skwisgaar was adamant to hold his eyes on the window; he could feel the piercing pale blue eyes on his frame all the while. He started fidgeting. He didn't want to look back; he was afraid what to do. Actually, he didn't know how to react at all to the situation so he didn't want to risk it and make a fool of himself.

  
Was that a date? Did Toki take him out for a date? _Just like two high school lovers_ , Skwisgaar said internally and wanted to get disgusted by the thought but just couldn't. It scared him he was hoping it was _indeed_ a date.  
He wanted to ignore the constant rubbing of Toki's leg against his but it was burning at the touch and sending flames through his body. When he gathered his courage and looked back Toki immediately averted his eyes and started to look through the window as well.

  
_You fucking teaser_ , he said to himself as he realized his cheeks were flushing.

  
At that moment, he saw two really familiar faces walking through the shop.  
  
Pickles and Nathan didn't see them at first. Toki looked straight in the older man's eyes this time with warning glares. He didn't have to hear Toki talking to understand what he was trying to tell. He swallowed his spit as the other two approached them.

  
"Oh look who is here!"  Pickles stopped at their table with a grin, Nathan following his steps. They both were focused on only Toki. After the greeting Pickles' grin disappeared abruptly as his eyes stopped on Skwisgaar. He felt his heart aching at the sight.

  
They were looking at the blonde with complete disgust on their faces.

  
Nathan spitted out words in his deep voice, aimed at Toki but his eyes were still on the other man "We would stick around for a while if you came here _alone_." Skwisgaar eyes fell and didn't leave from a spot on his plate.

  
"Yeah" Pickles joined, "you better stop hanging out with some _specific_ regular jack off or you will get disappointed or betrayed at the end." Each word was like a curse to Skwisgaar's ears. He was clearly sulking now. He wanted to oppose. He wanted to tell the truth so much. To his ex-bestfriends. But it wasn't worth the risk, he reminded himself.

  
Toki was smiling like nothing was odd and changed the topic to something coffee related and the Swede was grateful for it. But he could still feel the Norwegian's stare on him every few seconds, watching and waiting for the older man to make a wrong move or say something stupid.

  
But Skwisgaar didn't say anything at all.

  
They told Toki it was their time to get their orders and gestured to the register. After saying bye to Toki their eyes pierced through Skwisgaar for a final time. He wished he didn't lift his head to watch their departure because the snarl they gave him made Skwisgaar sick to his core.

  
After a few seconds Toki nudged Skwisgaar under the table to make him look back to him. He leaned forward on the table as he patted the blonde's hand.

  
"Goods boy." He said as if the other was a loyal dog.

  
But he was a human with feelings, unfortunately, he thought. He tried to hold back his tears. He tried to say something to change the mood but nothing came out of his mouth so he just nodded.

  
He _had_ to be a loyal dog.


End file.
